i have many things i want to rant on my blog.
on the way home in the bus from work,
ive been thinking of millions of stuff that i want to say.
but as i sit in front of the computer,
my mind jus completely went blank.
what is rummaging thru my mind right now-.-.
nowadays joanna yong has been rather stone.
rather slow in many things.
i supposed its because yongyong got not enough sleep=x.
everyday just work work work.
i have less than 9hours of sleep in 72hours.
OMG-.-..
i feel that im tired physically and emotionally as well..
time is passing by soooo fast.
today is already 7november.
its exactly one month when i know chris.
and in exactly ten days time,
andreas will be leaving already.
dear diary,
you know i just keep telling myself to be strong.
joanna yong dun cry when he go.
joanna yong dun cry when he go.
joanna yong DUN CRY WHEN HE GO!
but before he go i already cry countless time.
joanna yong is too use to his presence for this half a yr.
we've been closer than anything we can be.:(
without him,
who will close coffee machine for me?
who will mop floor for me?
who will take up the punishment for me?
who will help me serve hotplate ?
who will put plaster for me when i burn my hand?
who will make coffee for me?
who will stand by water in my cup everyday?
who will serve desert for me?
who will help me clear table?
who will help me stock up sbc?
who will help me out when bar is jam?
who will wipe my tears away when i cry?
who will i whine to when im tired?
who will i complain to if im angry?
who will buy me food when im hungry?
who will lend me lighter when i do fire steak?
who will everytime purposely make me angry n smile again?
who will refill ice water for me?
sigh,
there are so many things more.
much much more.
from the very first day he go work,
i already know him.
so in some sense im much more closer to him than haryo.
and andreas did so many things,
much more things for me than haryo.
im so afraid as the days draw nearer,
he sae he would be back,
but even if he reali do,
it will be in two years time.
anton,dian,dodi&haryo used to say they will be back too,
but it has already passed a yr plus.
i havent get to see them yet.
i miss them so much.
i reali do...
they doted on me jus like a younger sister of theirs.
and i remember my world only rotates around them.
but end of all they stil leave me.
God is indeed unfair to me.
those people closest to me,
and already have a place in my heart,
all come from indonesia..
and end of all they still need to go back to where they belong.
so chris,
now u understand why i wanna cherish andreas for this few weeks?
im afraid when they go back,
i will regret for not spending time with them.
i dunno how long more than can i see them.
maybe for the rest of my life,
i wouldnt get to see them.
and pictures of them will slowly fade away from my memories,
till i cannot rmb how they look like:(
i told myself i need to be strong...
strong to let andreas leave me.
strong to be independent once again.
God,
please..let the time stop for now..please.
it has been 1yr 1mth im officially single.
and im starting to get used to my single lifestyle right now.
i may have fallen in and out of love,
but i dun have the courage to step into a new relationship again.
i start to think back of the past,
when i used to like athari..
i rather go back to those times,
at least i know clearly that i only love him,
and at tt time i was all alone,
i do things myself,
i stay at home alone,
i went out alone,
i eat alone,
i cry alone,
although everythin i do it myself,
but at least i dun have as much problem.
right now,
many people re-enter my life again,
and im startin to have so many stress n problem.
i cannot afford to do so.
i rather choose to be alone once again.
chris,
i said give us two weeks.
but this few days u make me reali tired.
with all those nasty ,painful words.
with all those fears u gave me,
with all those pain i let u suffer too...
one month ago,
i used to be looking forward to seeing u.
but right now,
im afraid.
im startin to feel some sort of fears in me.
which makes me feel that im lost.
im realli feeling so lost.
ive gotta admit this few days im not happy at all.
especially when days is passing by so fast.
what should i do?
here i am once again,
trying to run away from reality.
trying to hide away from all those problems tt ive gotta face .
somebody please help me.~
