.the sweetest love of all.

through it all,ive see their footsteps.

Saturday, January 31, 2009 9:05 PM

read shilah's and janus blog.
and decided to post another entries on my friends.
started getting close with shilah and janus recently.
they read my blog,
they understand how i feel.
they chatted with me,
just to ensure that i'll be okay.

im realli glad with this three precious friend of mine,

helping me when im in a dilemma situation of not knowing what to do.

they stood by me these few weeks,

they cheer me up when im emo-ing.

i know that i'll always have u guys around.

a day will come soon,

when ive gotta face the truth of letting go.

but i know no matter how much its hurting me,

i will always be fine with u guys around.

and even if its just a day of clique outing on 15jan,

although we have sort of splitted up now,

but still,

memories on that day stays right?

like what athari said,

time to get over our playn time and back to serious moment.

thank god for this three lovely peeps.

thank god for their unconditional love towards me.

thank god for bringing them into my life.

thank god for having them to pull me through my darkest time.

so i'll pray that this friendship would last as long as possible.

hoping that all of us would be able to pull thru whatever obstacles we face in life.

the reason im moving on well right now,

is with the help from all of them.

friends,

i may not be really good at expressing my gratitude to u guys,

but still,

all these are from the bottom of my heart.

and yes;

i love you guys to bits n pieces:)

wish i could be the one.

8:10 PM

will u rmb how i peel prawn for u?
will u rmb how i used to ask if u're thristy?
will u rmb how i used to ask if u're hungry?
will u rmb how i cover blanket for you?
will u rmb how i tuck you to bed?
will u rmb how i pat you to sleep?
will u rmb those time when i send lunch to u?
will u rmb those time i cook for u?
will u rmb those time when i send u home?
will u rmb those time i bought mushroom for u to eat?
will u rmb those time when i save money just to bring u out to eat?
will u rmb those time when i treated u to starbucks?
will you think of me when we walked pass places we have been to together?
will you ever remember me?

chatted with shilah babe and janus sweets ytd:)
thanks to this two sweetheart for owax reading my post,
and knowin if im feeling okay or not.
i promised,
i'll get myself back to my own feet by valentine:)
im worried for u two too.
because all three of us are in a similar situation.
so sweetheart,
promise me that you both will be strong to pull it through:)

i'll sing as loud as i can,to make u hear me.
i'll walk pass u as many times as i can to make u realised me.
i'll talk as much as i can for u to talk back to me.
i'll text u as many times a day to make u rmb tt i exist.
i'll do as many things i can to let u keep it as memories.
i'll keep saying that i love you,until the dae u're willing to love me back.

~~baby,~~
i really really really like you alot.
i am out here waiting.
waiting,
waiting,
waiting.
waiting.
till the day you've finally fade from my memories.

turn around,

and look at me for the last time.

sigh,will you?

how did i fall in love with you?

7:29 AM

i tried to do things to occupy myself and not to think so much.
the moment i wake up in the morning,
i'll look at my phone,
hoping that you'll text me.
and i go to anywhere i can,
just to keep away from stayin home and think.
i'll think of you before i fall asleep.
and yes,
life goes on and on just like this.
others may not know how i am feeling deep inside me.
i'm trying vey hard to keep on going,
to stop those thoughts from rummaging through my mind.
because only you can make me stronger,
and to make me smile,
just like how i did few weeks back.

our text were short and it ended lesser than 3msgs.
there's nothing else left for us to talk about.
others said that i've given all i can,
but i feel that i didnt tried hard enough.
maybe all u ever wanted was not these?
i dont know.
im left with 14days,
before i have to give u up.
i promised you this.
and i've promised the clique.

everything's gonna change on monday onwards.
lesser time for me to meet up with clique.
i've decided to go back to work.
i have to stand up on my own feet.
maybe its oso the best way out for both of us?

i dislike these feelings i have nowadays.
suffocated with lots of words ive yet to say,
filled with lots of uncomfortable emotions,
thinking of lots of weird stuff.
who can i talk to about it?=x

hey shilah babe,
here to return you a post:)
i have to sae,
i didnt really do my duty as a friend to u babe.
im still feelin guilty of throwin u at east coast tt night=x.
sorry to have left you alone to settle ur problem.
somehow,
we're in the same boat tts why u n i understands each other:)
i hope everythin goes on well for you,
even though we have lesser time to hang out,
but u promised me a text everydae!
and i hope u really do so ahs:)
although our clique splittin up,
but still,
our memories stays right?
loves.

just let me cherish those days left with you.
i swear,
i'll make it memorable.

baby i will wait for you.

Friday, January 30, 2009 7:13 AM

photos for today:)
candid shots taken in ah bee's car with athari and janelle.
i miss fresh bulggogi,alot:)

i've made up my mind already.
i decided to just wait until valentine day.
hopefully by than,
*he'll be able to change his mindset.
otherwise,
i will than slowly slowly let *him go:)
i hope *he'll be able to see the efforts ive put in for him:)
just hope that we can go back to the past,
i will be happy enough.

because i've fallen so deep,
its hard to force myself to leave.
so all i can do,
is to slowly wait on u:)

a song that reminded me of you.( ' v ' )

Thursday, January 29, 2009 9:48 AM

just uploaded a photo taken on new year day,

to make sure that this post wouldnt look too wordy:)

i guess this post would be kinda emotional,

well i just cant help but to be feeling disturbed nowadays,

and i just cant get you off my mind.~~damn it.~~

just because of a mistake tat night,

i've lost you.

there's distance between us now.

we were no longer close.

i start blaming myself for whatever that happen that night,

if it all didnt happen,

we wouldnt end up this way.

im startin to get really affected as the days goes by.

everyone has been asking me to let go of this love,

which is reali impossible.

i tried,but i just cant.

ive fallen for u so deep,

and there's no turning back anymore.

you said that you couldnt give me happiness,

i understand.

but all i wanted is for you and me to go back to the past,

when we were really close together,

and for you to act as though u dunno tt i like you.

i told you before,

if i can choose to let you go,

i would have already done so on the day we first broke up.

but it has been months,

and ive not yet got over you.

but still,

i thank you for not leading me on,

for speakin the truth to me.

for doing things now to make my heart die.

i told myelf,

i have to give up.

i need to give up.

because he wanted me to do so.

but i know that i cant be my normal self infront of him anymore.

have i been a fool to actually fall for his tricks?

i couldnt sleep at night,

because you are always on my mind.

i couldnt focus on every single thing that im doing.

because im owax thinkin of you.

i dunno what causes me to fall so deep in love,

damn it,i know im blind.

no matter how hard i tried to let you go,

my heart still brings me back to you.

well,

the hardest thing is sitting right next to you,

looking at you and know you'll never be mine.

i cant say how i feel,

i cant tell how long is needed for my heart to heal.

but i always knew from the start,

i never realli had your heart.

but well,

i understand that a love we cannot have,

usually last longest,and most vivid.

now i just wished that you would take a look back at me,

and really treat as though nothing ever happen before.

please,

give me a chance just before its really goodbye.

i promise you,

i'll let you go by valentine.

always remember that each tears i've shed,

is an 'iloveyou',

which is left unsaid.

happy new year!:)

7:35 AM

28jan09:
went sentosa with shilah,janelle n ah bee for sun-tanning.
and followed by meeting athari at harbourfront for dinner:)
at night went zouk with janelle,ah bee and join my sister together with her frens at there:)
oh mine,i dunno what janelle ordered for me,
i almost died lahs.
ah bee ordered graveyard,
so bitter,couldnt take it=x.
it was my first time at zouk,
and i ended up at mambo instead of phuture.
so boring,so went home with sister ard 2am:)

relatives visited my house and waited for ah bee n janelle come find me.
those two little girls are my favourite:)
i see them grow lahs every yr,
haas.from 6yrs ago until now.
went janelle hse and slack until ah bee took us out to east coast.
do sitted at starbucks and chat until around 10plus,
went to meet germaine.
and we both headed to ben's house.
saw zhihao,ah bing and another guy...
sat there until they went home.
and waited for winfred to come down.
germaine went home so sitted there chat with ben n winfred until 4plus in the mornin:)

i had quite alot of mood for new year this year:)
and sister boyfriend went visiting with us:)
didnt realli stayed long at cousin's hse,
less than half an hour i went off to jan's house.
so waited for zac and we went up together:)
receive quite afew angbaos:)
waited for athari,shilah and sha to come down too:)
so we played stupid idiot,and suck n blow.haas.
very very funny sia!its was so fun tt evening.
after dinner,
ah bee came and sat in the living room.
we played indian poker and i was the first to drink,
because it was on behalf of athari...
less than an hour,
we all got drunk,
and tt night is the most memorable night,
which i guess....
everyone would never forget?
there's shoutings,cryings and even confessing everywhere in the room.
lovers quarrelled,confession made,hearts were broken,vomits were everywhere.
everyone is so affected by that night.
damn it,i hope it would be forgotten:(

new year eve,
daddy and ah jian came over for reunion dinner:)
i ate abalone for the first time,
and i find it quite nice lahs.haas.
decorated the house,
and did mask n facial.
waited till ard 9plus before leaving house to mit jan,bee,gekming,jamayne n cherie for movie.
came home after movie,
was kinda tired:)

new year just pass by so fast...
5days have passed.
oh mine,
ive gotta wait till another year again=x.

i've give my all,to hold you back.

Saturday, January 24, 2009 5:22 AM

giving someone all your love,

is never an assurance that they'll love you back.

lets start with the meet-ups with derek.

its been exactly 7mths since ive met up with him,

well,

he looks healthier but more skinny=x.

yishun has always been my most vivid memories,

everyone tt ive known in yishun,

really did leave a great impact in my life:)

as we sat and recall the past,

indeed,all of us,

who used to closer,

are now left with memories.

derek foo never failed to give me tt'cute'face,

and just make me think back on the times when he's my daddy,

and we started to be close,

until tt dae we got together and broke up.

all these are memories:)

went to catch a movie and eat.

before i got on the bus,

we gave each other another hand shake,

and i said to him-'till we meet again:)'.

tt day hang out with 'clique' at town area.

so we took lots of pictures together:)

so let time prove to you,

that my love for you is real:)

i know you will never belong to me,

i know u've tried.

i know.

but i guess we both failed in this game.

i miss you so much,

all i can do,

is to stop meeting you,

even though i realli love you so deep.

sigh,

im really broken this time.

u will owax be loved by me,

i cant find a way to let you go.

so how long do i need?

Wednesday, January 21, 2009 6:41 AM

i just wanted you to just take a look at me,
even if its just one last look,
just do it will you?
why?after ive done so much,
you dont even care about me.
i feel angry,
i feel pissed,
i feel devastated.
because u dun even care a single bit for me,
why am i still irritating you?
i feel really useless.
what should i do?

as the memories slowly fade away.

Saturday, January 17, 2009 10:06 PM

im not the girl,

your heart is missing.

because u're in love with my best friend.

the most painful thing,

would be sitting right nest to you,

wanting to let u know that i still love you,

and yet u're crying for another person instead of me.

i was never important to you.

how silly can i get to?

wish i did confess to you at that time,

but when i was about to speak up,

u mention someone else.

and i wished you happiness.

so now i see the answer to my doubts and question.

its not me who you ever need:)

i thougt at last i was over him,

and then i looked into his eyes,

and fell in love all over again.

a day out at jurong point. :)

Thursday, January 15, 2009 9:55 AM

nowadays having countless night of sleep,

only way to make myself turn in,

is by watchin drama till i fall asleep:)

woke up at 11am todae,

i was really really really tired.

but rushed down to send athari lunch:)

after that went back to janelle house we her,

than took cab to eastpoint.

met athari,shilah n ssa over there.

actually decided to go bugis to mit wilson there,

but end up athari was going to boonlay,

so somehow somewhat,

spent our day at there.

took a realli long time in train to reach the other side of singapore.

*laughs.

reached there.

athari and janelle went somewhere first.

than me,shilah n ssa waited for wilson.

so wilson came,somehow became my part time boyfriend:)

after tt,

waited for a realli long time before wilson's boyfriend come.

during tt period of time,

athari went to find his fren,

shilah n ssa was at long john,

janelle was at somewhere else,

n me n wilson jus sit outside jp waiting for his guy.

so his guy came,

and we went to find shilah,

athari n his fren'zu',

came to find us as well.

followed by janele and zac.

sat for awhile at long john,

and we headed off to eat at iciban sushi!:)

our total bill was like...$130plus i guess.

we had a total of 9 ppl together.

i mean its realli cool tt our 'clique' consist of 4couples.

-a pair of gay

-a pair of lesbian

-2 pair of normal couples

and guess wad,

i choose to be the lonely one:)

although those two normal couple ae jus fren,

but somehow,compatible:)

AND MY FONE WENT DEAD AT 7PM!

so early lahs!!!
shilah n ssa had some tiff,

and they went off first.

poor shilah n ssa,i hope u two are feelin better:)

stayed for 1hr30mins at iciban sushi,

and we went up to gv.

wanted to play truth or dare.

haas im so happy tt me n wilson mission done le:)

and stayed there for so long.

end up zac decided to watch red cliff himself:)

so slack at starbucks,

soon after,

zu went home first.

wilson,his boyfriend,athari,jan n me sat outside jp entrance.

until ah bee called and sae she gonna sent us home:))

so happy lahs,at least we didnt have to catch the train at 11pm:)

so this is it for todae:)

i hope we'll plan more outings out together.

am i falling even deeper for u?

im afraid all u see in me,

is just 'sister n brother' r/s.

i dun wannt go on this wae.

i hope i am able to control wad's gg on.

though its a fun dae todae,

but i hope things between ssa n shilah,

jan and bee,

would be better.

and whatever unsolved problems,

would be solved:)

im turning in to bed now:)

nights blogger.

i want a hug.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009 12:10 AM

a little exchange between me,
can?=x

below are snapshots took when me n jan were having web cam conversation with wilson:)

爱是一种需要,
却不一定要得到.
只要他快乐就好:)

im not important nor am i cherished by you.
im not someone who u realli care for.
im not someone who stand any place in ur heart.
i'll be the last in ur list for any single thing.

for you,
i will run to you when u need someone to chase after.
i will love you if u feel unloved.
i will hug u when u need to feel warmth.
i will tuck u into bed when u are sleepy.
i will dote on u if u want to be pampered.
i will care for u if the whole world are against u.
i will bring u out to play when u are bored.
i will be there for u to vent anger at if u're angry.
i will lend u my shoulder if u wan to cry.
i will lend u my listenin ear if u wan to complain.
i will be waiting for u silently,
till u realised that im actually here all along:)
just dont sae any thank you to me,
because i dont expect anything in return from u.
all i want is for u to be happy.
ive tried wantin to enter ur life before,
but u didnt allowed me to do so.

how long do i have to wait?
just for u to notice me,
to realise that all along,
ive been wanting to be by ur side?
to actually know that~i existed?=x.

went to school today,
and had my FnB course exam,
i FAILED lahs.
its a confirm thing=x,
saw germaine just now,
and realised that we drifed realli realli alot.
until haiyo i dunno how to sae oso arhs.=x
so rush to bugis to get lunch for athari,
and intended to get some for jan too:)
rush down to kembangan and wait for ard 1 hour until they cum.
so after tt went home.
I HOPE I DIDNT FAILED MY MISSION FOR TODAE:)
here i come again~TOMORROW:)

suddenly i missed thomas;alot.

LOVES;my little brother.

I WANT A HUG,ANYONE WILLING TO OFFER ME?:(

in memory;you'll stay.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009 12:19 AM

i miss my beloved classmates,
those different clique in our class.
i miss sec1/3,
i miss sec2/4,
i miss sec 3/2,
i miss sec 4/2.
didnt manage to spend lots of time with 5/1.
i miss those times in school.
where i would walked pass pot's class,
or even my secret admirer class.
miss those time when i dun have to worry so much about money.
all i care is about how to do homework.
how to see principle or even joseph the next day.
i miss my class and band so much.
our bond together,
to stand up against teacher,
and all those fights we had together.
graduated from sch for a yr already.
2008 have been a yr of struggle for me.
and i miss my classmates!
esp aida n clique,
kelly n clique too.
i wanna catch up with all of them once again.
wanna meet up with them:)
so glad tt i met aida,sher,ber,lavi n leshia on jan's bdae:)
its been so long since we get together again n crap.
haas.
and oh!
ive been in the same class as AIDA,JAN n KAT for 4 yrs++ :)
my friends,
u're missed.

you dont belong to me.

Monday, January 12, 2009 9:31 PM

如果你不爱一个人,请放手.
好让别人有机会爱他.
如过你爱的人放起了你,
请放开自己,
好让别人有机会爱你. :)

祝你永远幸福快乐,
好嫌幕你能永远,
别人的天长地久.

figaro and danson's damn f**king hot and cute.
going crazy over them.laugh*
aku meleset kamu.
cobalah untuk setia.

为了你,矢去你.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009 12:41 AM

就是因为爱你所以才放弃你.

off to surabaya soon!:)
i miss those guys so much.
at least they dun push me to the limit of really gg insane soon.
at least they care and still listen to wad i say.
rather than someone who accuse me and sae me.
anywae,
~~you sucks~~.

you've left while im still holding on.

Thursday, January 1, 2009 12:25 PM

everyone says im stupid to hold on.
because u have already left yet im still holding on.
you will never come back anymore.
but still,
i miss u deeply.
thinking of u everynight,
it causes pain to my heart.
you will never know how much i miss you.
you have your own life.
and i must get going too as this new yr start.
cobalah untuk setia,sayang.

a new beginning.

10:04 AM

happy new year to all!:)
i have so many things i wanna update lahs:)
its gonna be a long post todae.

ytd was the most fun day i ever had while working.
it was so pack and we didnt managed to finish our chores.
but by 1130pm,
we started sabo-in each other.
mdm n liuyong was the 1st to get me soak!
mdm n liuyong gang up in kitchen,
while me,s.ching n thomas gang up in dining.
so all the eggs,dirty water,sauces n peeled oranges was thrown everywhere.
even down the escalator all the way to breeks!
hahas imagine,we dirty the whole airport!=x
and we did spring cleanin for outlet.hahas!
counting down to midnight,
i called brother,
and we all wished him happy new yr together:)
even though ytd was fun,
but without anton,haryo n dian,
somehow a part of us wish tt they were here with us.
so this is how i spent my new yr:)
getting wet n SO dirty,
we all took cab home at 3am.
and im sooo touched tt im the only one who get present whereas e others didnt.
jane,dindjie n s.ching give me present:)
so sweet lahs.
specially for me nia!hahas!

and on tuesday,

sent brother and dian off.
at night met jan n bee and bee drove us around:)

it was so sad as the time draw nearer and time to bid goodbye.

i was the first to hug brother and cried.

mira,s.ching couldnt control and they teared too.

before that,

went to outlet and we took lots of pictures together.

aunty mama n jane even cried=x

and leading a new year without this two precious guy,

is the hardest thing i have to do.

because they never failed to be there for me.

the time arrived,

1215nn,

brother has to go in.

and yes,

we both hug n cried.

everyone was shocked that haryo cried.

i wished tt at tt point of time,

it would freezed.

sigh,

and followed by sotong,

he kept on sayin tt he didnt want to leave singapore.

but mdm said tt he has to go.

a last hug to him,

and he entered the gate.

after checkin in,

he stop and look at his phone,

those msgs me n s.ching sent to him.

we saw him wipe his tears!!

everyone cant bear to let dian go the most.

because he was the sotong in our outlet,

but all of us stil love n dote on him alot,

especially mdm.

but for me,it would be brother tt i cant bear to let go.

after bee sent me home tt night,

went hm to call s.ching.

and we both cried on the phone.

she sae she didnt expect haryo to cry.

sigh,i called brother n he cried too.

even until todae mornin,

s.ching called him,

he was crying=x.

our last photo together,

as we shared those memories n move on.

regretted not spending time with brother on monday just before he go.

met ah siang n headed to bugis followed by town.

went to mit s.ching and pig.

followed by watin sakura and i headed home.

brother came over to find me,

and we spent our last night at east coast.

it was sweet of him to pass me his perfume and his malay dictionary:)

todae's work was never fun.

i guess we started the yr wrongly.

thomas asked me to be his,

randomly.

but i avoided the question.

ah siang asked me for patch,

and i rejected too.

s.ching had a big fight with sir randy todae,

and she jus take her bag n goes off.

end up this whole week her schedule was cancelled=x.

and i fought with the new trainee todae.

though she's older than me,

but she was so rude lahs.

somehow feel pain when thomas sided her.

and i cried so long,

i dunno why i was so weak when i knew i wasnt in the wrong.

i knew that i had let him go.

but why is it tt when u hold her hand,

my heart just break into pieces?