this will be the second entry for you. baby,i miss u. but u're gone. i know u dun love me anymore. i know u played with me. but still, i cant bring myself to let go. i have to act as though i dun care. its the only way i can do so.
i wanna be with you. but u dun want me anymore. what is the reason you go? what is the reason you choose to part from me?
如果要走,至少要告诉我. you say you dun deserve to be my daddy. but let me correct u, it should be me who dun deserve to be ur nuer. because u let someone else replaced me in ur heart. *i wish u would turn to me n tell me tt u were jus lying*. it hurts when i think that no longer would it be me who u call nuer. no longer me who call u daddy. no longer me to be ur xiao er mo. n no longer u to be my er mo daddy. im happy to talk to u on the phone. but my heart aches every single time i tink of u. i long to ask u why? its okay for not being lover. but i knew it myself tt i cant live without u as a daddy. my tears has been flowing for u for 4continuous days. and still, i act as though im fine when we r on the fone. but i realised, the pain's getting more and more painful each day.
i have so many things i want to sae. but its no use anymore. cuz someone replaced me in ur heart. im hurt. yes i am. but i dun blame u for the pain. i blame myself. because its me who dunno how to use the right way to love u. im sorry tt i've loved u wrongly. its my fault for all the pain in me. im to blame, not u. i loved wrong, tts why u go away.
i dunno if i should wait on. friends asked me to move on. but a part of me want to stay. maybe stay but not get so upset over him.
boy,listen carefully. our relationship has already ended. even though i still love u, but it all doesnt matters now. i love u, thats why i choose to let go. i dun want to be ur burden anymore. i will go away from you, but i promise i still love u. and secretly, i'll be missing you=].
Thought I couldn't live without you It's gonna hurt when it heals too It'll all get better in time And even though I really love you I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to It'll all get better in time Since there's no more you and me It's time I let you go So I can be free And live my life how it should be No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you.
i long wanted to tell u in msg just now, that i miss you..
and yes,
im in pain.
pain to see u dote others.
pain to see u leave.
pain to drift from u.
pain to accept the fact tt im no longer needed.
pain to accept tt fact tt i have to move on,
WITHOUT YOU.
12:05 AM
baby, i love you that's why i choose to let you go. i have many things to tell you. i have many whys in my head wanting to ask you.
we used to be realli close. i still remember how we first met each other. i stared at u n you stared at me. we had eye contact, im sure about that. didnt talk much on that day, because i was quite afraid of you, and to think, i actually did hate u before for that one day. your bdae falls on the 8january. i get your number from germaine and wished you. i acknowledge u as my daddy without u acknowledgin me. we get closer and closer as time goes by.
i still remember whenever you call me, i would feel very =_=. i hate talkin to u, because there's nothing much we can talk about. remembering u always pushing me to johnathan. than when i wanted to go with sky, u would strongly disapprove. u used to tell me sae, nobody can hurt ur only nuer, because i was realli important to u. u once told me that if whoever want to be with me, must go thru ur permission first. because u dun allow anyone to hurt me. u used to sae derek n jo yi bei zi. u used to sae that life without me would be different for u.
we started getting closer and closer as time draw us nearer. there's always us. we were so closed till not even anyone can break us up. i used to stick to u, realli sticky. and always whining at you. and u just dote me as much as u can. always protecting me. not allowing anyone to hurt me in anyway. always remembering you when i walk pass suntec, tampines mall playground, vivo city, yishun staircase, changi beach, east coast park, cable car, ferry wheel, plaza sing, far east, orchard, even my house.
will you remember my smile? will you remember me? will you always think of me when u walk pass places with memories together? will you think of me once in a while and take out the book i do for u to see?
i miss calling you daddy. i miss being ur nuer. i miss pinching your face. i miss dirtying ur while pants. i miss taking ur cap n wear. i miss whining at you. i miss u calling me nuer. i miss u telling me u miss me. i miss u calling me in the middle of the night n waking me up. i miss tellin u that 'daddy i miss u'. i miss sending mms to you. i miss sending long msg to you. i miss wasting my handphone bill just to call u n chat for hours. i miss caring for you. i miss crying for you. i miss u caring for me. i miss you asking me to cover blanket at night n drink lots of water. i miss u trying to make me smile when im sad. i miss all ur nonsense you said. i miss u wiping away my tears when i cry. i miss ur hug. i miss u calling me si zhu. i miss turning to u whenever im sad. i miss u turning to me to tell me ur problem when u're down. i miss u calling me baby. i miss ur smile. i miss ur jokes. i miss going out with you. i miss u for snatching my fone to see. i miss u wanting to come my house to upload song into ur fone. i miss u coming my hse to fetch me go out. i miss sharing lollipop with you. i miss sharing drink with you. i miss u feeding me . i miss u pei-ing me to eat salmon whenever im sad. i miss u trying to pinch my face n fail to do so. i miss stepping on ur leg . i miss having ' cat fight' with you. i miss helping you wipe ur tears when ur tear flow. i miss hugging you. i miss ur voice. i miss ur smell. i miss ur presence. i miss u helping me hold my bag. i miss u trying to protect me. i miss u getting angry at me. i miss sayin u irritating. i miss going out for dinner with u. i miss playin dare game with u. i miss choosing helmet together with u. i miss you for telling me ur ambition. i miss u for always spendin time with me. i miss u for the times we two realli sat down n tok. i miss u when we both cant bear to hang the phone. i miss our memories together. and above all, i miss you.
i have so many thing to ask you. why did u have to go? i dun blame u for all this thing. i just hope u will tell me why. is all that u sae a lie? why cant we even be daddy n nuer. im fine with the break up. but what hurt most is you not wanting this nuer. is letting go realli tt easy? have u been fine in life? u mean so much to me, but u choose to go just on my bdae eve. i nvr regret bringing u out to celebrate father day at cable car. i knew tt my love n friendship were all true. i still remember, whenever i saw ferry wheel, i'll owax say-'daddy!ferry wheel'. and we used to promise each other to go sit ferry wheel together on 7dec. u promise to make me happy on my birthdae. but u lied to me. u promise to bring me happiness. but u lied. u asked me to make 3wishes for my bdae . n u promise to make it come true. but u didnt. why even germaine get to celebrate with u? but why didnt i get to do so? u're realli important to me. but sadly, u choose to end it. didnt u sae tt im important too?? didnt u sae tt without me, life is indeed hard? have i been a fool to believe u?
is it me or is it you? i told you that i love you, but u said it wasnt true. Well now that i guess, I think it’s time for me to go To move on with my life without you And to face reality itself, To let go of dreaming. Of how many times we try But words are still goodbye. maybe its really time to give up, cause there is no longer anymore me n you.
without u here in my life, life would be so different. but still, im glad that ive known u in the first half chapter of my life. i pray tt u will be more mature. dun do anymore illegal thing. dun keep on bleahing probation. dun keep hurting ur own body. dun change from bad to worse. cherish people who love u. dun hurt girls who treat u good. dun break girls heart. dun play with girl. i know u played with me . but stilll, i love u. and i'll forgive u. dearest, u wont be loathe by me. i will still love u. u will never be forgotten by me. u will owax be remembered. whenever u are sad, u can owax still turn to me for comfort. i will still be like a fren, reaching out to u when u are lost, picking u up when u fall, wiping ur tears when u cry, comforting u when u are depressed. lending u my shoulder when u need a shoulder, be ur listening ear when u need to complain.
i cant stay by ur side anymore. i cant be ur devil nuer le. i cant be ur xiao er mo anymore. i cant be there to care for u anymore. i cant be there to owax text u asking u to go hm ealry n rmb to eat lunch n dinner. chippy will always stay close in my heart. i'll hug him to sleep still. i wont forget you. and forever, i'll remember you whenever i hear the song -jing jing de -shou xi de wen rou -gan qing xian -bu shi wo bu ming bai -bu zuo ni de peng you -bei ying -forever love -wo wei she me hai ai ni -wo xiang yao shuo -nan dao ai yi ge ren you cuo ma. -xu yao ni de ai
i believe i can make it thru. Baby I will wait for you If you think I'm fine it just aint true I really need you in my life No matter what i have to do I'll wait for you. what can i do to make you come back? i;ll cry countless number of tears for u. but i believe one day when i wake up, my tears will all be dried up. and i'll smile to move on.
my tears were around the corner of my eyes. i keep thinking of u, afraid that u would do bad thing. afraid that something bad will happen to u. iagine my day without u, its torturing. i dun blame u. im waiting for u to return, but at the same time . im trying to let go. without u, i'll be different. i wont be who i am. i know u must have reason to do this. i will just wait. wait for the time u tell me. maybe a month later or so?
life's gonna be realli tough for me. but i will try to move on. i know u did too. i'll miss u. and i will bring the memories together with me as i walk on in life. yes,i'll cry everydae. because losing u is really painful, but i believe time would heal my pain. i believe one dae i'll get over u. goodbye,my almost lover.
26dec to 27june-our frenship ended.
before i go,i realli wished to sae.
DEREK DEVIL DADDY,
NUER MISSES U ALOT.
thanks so much.
Saturday, June 28, 2008 10:30 PM
firstly, thanks to many poeple for wishing me on my birthday. -derek -germaine -katherine -janelle -ah bee -yinjie -renee -zhihao -ak -alicia -genevieve -fel li chi li o -yuting!!! -sarah ang -christabel -charlotte -taby -genie -jiaqian -aida n clique -alicia(happy bdae too girl) -sky -ah siang -entertainer -my sister -denise -sarah lai -cindy -rivy -siting -xiuting -gwen -pris -and oso to many whom i forget to name out.
i realise something from my bdae ytd, only true frens are better. frens whom u know for a realli long time, yet seldom contact but still remember u are owax better than frens who u just knew yet completely ignored u on ur birthdae. well, i went kbox on27june night with janelle,pris,ah bee,germaine,kat n my darling ak. and they celebrate with me throughout the night. i was actually vvvv emotional. but we still did 'sing'the night away=] kat n germ came to my house and stay over. when i wake up, they were actualli gone. and yupp at tt point of time when im awake, i thought of him. but i told myself not to. so renee was realli sweet enough to ask me out. so she came to my house to fetch me . and we waited for germaine to come, than we cab down to vivo. *i sit and reminise of times we once shared* vivo has so many vivid memories with you. met entertainer there. was supposed to catch a movie, but the queue was too long. so we ate pastamania-for renee sake pls.... after tt renee said sth tt pierce me in my heart. something related to derek. but well, its over. so im fine with it, i quarrelled with ah siang on the fone, and yes. birthdae girl shouldnt cry. but i broke down still. i sat the the open air space and look at the cable car, and tears flow down. but renee came over and give me a hug. and wipe my tears away(which im realli grateful for) we sat there ans tok. suddenly entertainer n germaine came over. germaine cover my eyes. and when she let go of her hand, i saw awfully chocolate cake in front of me!! its the first bdae cake i have. i was touched. dunno to cry or smile. and stupid renee use the cream to destroy my face la! and we were actualli realli enjoying outself. at that point of time, i realise i am happy. i didnt think of anything at all. after that renee went home, and entertainer went too. so yinjie came over. waited for janelle n ah bee for a realli long time!! all reached. we set off to carls junior bcuz yj wanted to buy sum food. so,germaine went home. and me n jan,yj n ah bee went down to east coast to drink. finally midnight past! im OFICIALLY 17 =X.
i promised renee,janelle,entertainer,germaine,ah siang,yinjie,ak,kat that im so letting him go. mort importantly i have to promise myself. maybe there'll be times i'll fall back, but i believe i can till pull it thru.
thanks once again to darling ak,germaine,janelle.ah bee,katherine for counting down to my bdae on 27=]. thanks to entertainer for the bdae cake!and though we wasn't realli tt close, but u still make my dae. thanks to germ n kat for realli cheerin me up n ebing such a good sister. thanks to my dearest ex stead renee choo for celebrating it with me=]. thanks to yinjie for rushin down to meet me despite being realli exhausted=]
photos will be uploaded tml=]
sigh.
Friday, June 27, 2008 11:20 PM
First :
Best friend : cynthia teo. Pet : Tortoise. Piercing : Ears Crush : girl. CD : 5566 first album=] Car : i just turn 17 todae.not even legal to smoke yet=x how to get a car. Stuff animal : my bolster=] Love : patricia? Place called home : Tampines
Last : Beverage : apple kiwi juice. ride : Taxi Movie seen : cant rmb,but im catchin a movie in 2hours time Phone call : germaine. Song you listened to : dao di duo jiu. Bubble bath : never did it before. Time you cried : birthdae eve.ytd=] Thing you ate : chicken cullet.
Have you ever : Dated one of your best friends : I jus broke up with him. Been arrested : duh. Skinny dipped : Would like to try it. Been on a limo : havent yet.too grand for me.hahas. Cheated : i guess now im going thru a r/s of being played?. Been in a car accident : Wish to. Broke a bone : Never. Bad thing you did : alot. Things you've done today : trying not to emo or cry on my bdae. Favourite things : too many things.hahas People you tell almost everything to : parts of my stuff to yinjie,part of it to ah siang,part of it to janelle. Choices : Live or die : Die. Sweets or chocolates : Chocolates Swim or run : Run. Things you want to do before you die : To let him know how much ive loved him once. Do you have true friends : yupp. Things you regret : for being a fool again.
i hate u for playing with me. f**k.
happy birthday to me.
9:46 PM
my birthday has finally arrived. happy birthday to joanna. i tried to be happy. many people asked me to. but deep down, i know i cant be. thanks to renee for asking me out. i feel so down. today is my birthday,
im supposed to go out with him. but he decided to end it ytd. birthday girl shouldnt cry. what a bad birthdae i have. i dun want my birthday. i want to move on. im letting go. he dun deserve all this.
ive changed so much for ur sake. yet u choose to end it just by a stupid mistake i've done. maybe letting go is better. but what hurts the most is u promise to spend my bdae with me, yet u lied.
i realised no one actually remember my birthdae. but im so moving on without you here. u may be someone i love, but if its meant to go, than go. i wont dwell on it anymore. i;ll be sad. but im moving on. after my bdae, i can. its gonna be hard. but who says im not trying? im so gonna celebrate my bdae todae. i wont think of u.
you played with me
i'll update more tml.=]] im going out.
im afraid.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008 9:41 PM
im afraid i dont have the courage to go on.
12:17 AM
i wished for a guardian angel.
baby,wo ai ni.
cant live without you.
lost without you here.
i love u for who u are.
loves.
my sister,me n my papa.
papa meibao n me=]
im missing you.(meimei behind)
im hyper while meimei is so emo=x
self obsession.
wo ai derek foo.
memoires we shared. im falling deeper for u each dae=]
argh.my mushroom haircut.
oink oink n me XD
BABY I MISS U SO BADLY!
i had my hair cut ytd at hair inn. they say i look nice. but i think my fringe's too short =x i look my a helmet on together with a goggle. or i look like a mushroom =x. derek foo sae he'll be the supermario n step on me,this mushroom!
baby actually sae not to contact me for a month, but i guess he just missed me plenty =). that's why he cant bear not to contact me XD. well, im just being to thick skin, but i hope that i guedd it correct XD.
birhday's coming in 3 days time. heehees. today's wed-im off to town to meet ah siang,germaine n yinjie=]. thurs-meet my dearest meimei opposite school with kat=]. fridae-gonna go kbox with darling ak,jiemei n all my sis=]. sat-my bdae!gonna do hair first den meet baby. sundae-supposedingly to meet renee for a movie.but she's not free.
im trying to keep myself occupied for this one month. so i'll be able to have the courage to wait for baby to return =].
imissu!
Monday, June 23, 2008 9:18 AM
im so gonna wipe my tears and move on.
counting down to days when u will contact me=).
im not gonna cry.
baby,
maybe u wouldnt even know how i feel.
but still,
whenever i stare at u,
i'll go bombastic.
i'll go crazy.
you can simply just melt my heart.
you make me go lunantic.
i'll wait for ur return.
even if its gonna hurt.
i swear i'll wait.
even if ur return,
end up nvr to love me anymore,
i wont regret still.
i promise to wait on you.
that's what you want me to do.
i will.
du make me wait too long okie?
i'll miss u badly.=x
muacks baby,
woaini.
im running away from pain.
6:02 AM
baby i love u, and i'll wait on you.
i love u this much. i love u more than anyone else. u are all that means to me.
baby, you hurt me just too much. im running away from those pain u've caused. this relationship is getting tired. i choose to leave. perhaps i still love you, but it all doesnt matter now.
you doubt me. you hurt me just so much until there's no words to describe. why did u keep on hurting me? why did u keep on accusing me?
havent i been good enough? havent i tried to show u tt i love u? my tears for u were all real. should i leave? or should i stay? will my leaving be better for u? if leaving u, u would be happier. i would. i dun want to be ur burden.
baby, i'll wait. i will wait on you. wait for ur return. after one month. 23july , i'll wait for u to return back to me. im waiting. waiting. waiting. waiting. waiting.
although im gone.
Sunday, June 22, 2008 12:35 AM
baby, you doubt me. and it hurts. i want to mia. i want to leave. cause im getting tired. i noe tt u dun love me.
will i be happy? im emotionally tired of everything. my birthdae's approaching in 6 days time. what will happen during this 6 days?
I WANT TO MIA.
what's going on between us?
Friday, June 20, 2008 11:10 PM
baby, what's going on between us? why cant we just be like other couples? baby dun doubt my love for you. baby dun hurt me like how im hurting now. baby dun make me cry for you. baby dun sae words which u dun mean it.
everyone knew about me and you. dun hurt me. dun hurt me. dun hurt me. have u feel my pain? have u see me suffer? have u seen my tears? i know its gonna be tough being friends wit benefit. i know there'll be many obstacles. but baby, its not me. its you. will you be able to handle everything? will you be able to assure me that u'll love me n nv let go?
loving u is a pain. loving u is a fear. but i dun mind. i seriously dun mind. as long as i can be with you, i'll do anything.
i still can be strong without you. it all seems so yesterday. let this be our past, i'll put it all behind. i swear i will never turn back again.
baby, why hurt me so much?
i still love you.
so in love with two.
Thursday, June 19, 2008 8:15 PM
you're who my heart desire. my birthday will be approaching in 8days time. i pray that this 8days, nothing will happen. i wanna be happy=]. what will happen on my birthdae? i wan dreams to come true=].
somehow, i dun feel your belong.
baby i love u
Wednesday, June 18, 2008 11:16 AM
have i done anything wrong? i feel like a shit. i noe it must be my fault. everything is me. if only all hasn't happen before. how i wish i could turn back time. how i wish there is sumone who truely understand. i noe i am wrong. but please, listen to me as well. i just wish to be stress free. frens, dun push me to the limit. have i done anything wrong? have i? what have i done? why me? i noe ive been running away. i noe all along, its just me who dun wan to accept it. damn it, i hate this feeling.
your embrace.
8:30 AM
i miss you for the way you look into my eyes and kissed me. i miss you for the way you try to turn away when u tear. i miss you when you always say tt u're okay but actually u're not. i miss you for the way you hold my hand and never want to let go. i miss you for the way you kissed my forehead. i miss you for the way you hug me and dun want to let go.
i miss your smile. i miss your hug. i miss your touch. i miss your lips. i miss your kiss. i miss your hand. i miss your tongue.
you read me like a book baby. baby your fragile heart has been broken. let me mend it back for you. give you love you had never experience before. baby i love you. sweetest love, u are my everything.
baby i love u.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008 3:27 AM
baby let me tell u, u broke my heart. u never knew how im feeling towards u. if this letting go is really easy, i would have already done tt long time ago. i jus wan to be with u. but why doubt me? why doubt my love. i may have been unfaithful towards others, but im serious towards u. wont u just give me another chance to repent?
i love u so much till i've lost myself. till i dunno what i am doing. im too lost in ur presence. whenever im with u, u cause me to be breathless. i want to cuddle in ur arms. i just want to be with you.
sweetest darling, dun b heartless towards me. i dun care what u have been doing. i just want to love you. i dun care what the future will hold. i just want to cherish now. bring back those days when i held you beside me. i just want to know that ive loved you before. i still love you now.
dearest, its been many obstacles that we've been thru, its been many months. we didnt even get to start the story, and now we have to end. u didnt assure me anything. but i dare to love because of u. right from the start, my love make me blind.
baby look at this, my tears were all for you. i used to think, u were the one. yes, u are the one. only you can make me happi. only u can make smile. only hearing your voice will make me smile myself to sleep. whenever i close my eyes, u're the one i think of. if letting go is tt easy, than it isn't called love from the start.
the feeling of wanting you has never changed. the feeling of missing you has never changed. the feeling of loving you has never fade. how can i assure u that i love u?
how can i assure u tt i will owax love you? how can i assure u tt i dun want to end it? how can i assure u tt i want u? how can i assure u tt i miss u? how can i assure u tt i want to be with you?
what can i do to make you mine?
im shouting from my heart, i love you. i want you. can u please take back the saddest word goodbye? why?why hurt me so much when it hasnt even started. i love u so much, how can u possibly let me feel all the pain?
if realli goodbye is what u have said, than still, thanks for everything. i will not let u go. i want to prove to u what is call true love. i want to prove to u tt u are the one i love. if only u can trust me, that i love u, im sure whatever obstacles we encountered, we will still be able to pull thru.
i rmb how u look into my eyes n sae u love me. how u grab my hand n never let go. i still rmb all the times we had for this few months.
wish i was your lover.
Saturday, June 14, 2008 8:31 PM
wish i was your lover. wish i could be the one. wish i could spend a dae with you. wish i could replace her in ur heart. wish i could embrace u in my arm.
i wish to hear that u sae u love me. i wish to tell u that i love u. i wish to be ur girl. i wish to be someone who u realli love.
knowing that u mean alot, but i just cant make u stay. knowing that i need u. but i just dunno how to profess. i love u, i realli do? can u feel my love for u? i cant voice out to u everytime u're next to me.
my answer, i want you* to be happy. i want you* to remember me always. i want to be with you*. jingjingde,ai zhe ni. shi wo yi bei zi de xing fu. im still here, silently waiting for u to love me. waiting for u to be mine, even if nth last forever, i hope u can be my nothing. or at least to even noe tt out there in this world, there is a girl who has been loving you.
Wo Hai Zai Deng Zhe ni Jing Jing De Ai Wo Zhi Yao You Ni Pei Wo Jing Jing De Jiu Zu Gou Ni Ye Zai Deng Zhe Wo Jing Jing De Wen Rou Jiu Zhe Yang Shou Qian Shou Jing Jing De Kan Zhe Tian Kong.
maybe you wont be reading this, but i want to sae, i love you. guardian angel from up above asked me what i wish for my brithdae. i sae i wanted happiness. i sae i want to be with you. i sae i want u to love me. even if im being lead on by u, i dun mind. cuz i noe tt ive truely loved you before. i noe that between us, we are never meant to be. my imaginary boy, my imaginary love. say that u love me too, wont u? i love u, pretty pretty boy=]
ps:i wanna be with you,
even if its only for awhile.
but still,
woaini.
i love you this much
Friday, June 13, 2008 10:37 AM
i love you this much. that's why i choose to go. i love you this much. that's why im bidding goodbye. i love you this much. thats why im going even without professing. i love you this much. thats why im hiding the truth. i love you this much. thats why i cant bear to hurt you. u will never be forgotten, cuz my last goodbye means how much ive ever loved you.
my love for you is this much, sometimes its too much to even voice out my confession. just wanting to stay by your side, and not confessing everything to u, afraid that u might leave me. some nights i'll pull thru, yet some nights i'll lose control of myself.
i love u this much, goodbye.
we are left with the word;goodbye.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008 9:34 AM
we are left with the word goodbye in us. and you choose to sae break. i choose to let go. i didnt shed a tear. i didnt feel anything. im feeling sad but at the same time, im fine.
damn it, i feel that im running away from pain. well my love, im slowly getting used to days without you by my side. maybe i will be happier,
to be edited agn tml=]
im becoming to lose trust.
Sunday, June 8, 2008 9:08 AM
i wonder, what is going on between us? sometimes u make me feel as though u're here. sometimes u make me feel that its better off without you around me.
im feeling kind of slighted right now =x.
please give me a pill to cure my pain.
argh. im weaker as days goes by. having stomach pain. i cant stand it. sobbie=x i lost 2kg. i lost alot of hair.
mr lightbulb, bu shi wo bu ming bai. shi ni mei you geng wo shuo. i can still remember .. remembering.. ni shou xi de wen rou. im still waiting. pinning on abit of hope that come pass. its pointless i supposed.
so in love=)
Saturday, June 7, 2008 7:30 AM
oh mine, i feel so in loved suddenly. i have so many things to say. secret love, secret missed. everything just happen like so fast. i wan my reality~. i miss u so,my boy=]
in love,in love,in love. so in love with u=). i miss lightbulb=x.
if tml nv comes, will HE know how much i love him? will He noe tt i actually havent let go? IM SO IN LOVE WITH U=]
argh.
Friday, June 6, 2008 9:01 AM
maybe im just thinking too much. please, i dun want to doubt u. what a curse i have
i guess its getting the wrong way.
Thursday, June 5, 2008 12:54 PM
im hanging out with the wrong clique. im serious about it, i mean it. everythings going the wrong direction. give me a lfie
always,always,always, whenever im realli upset and down, when i realli fall so bad, when i realli feel so lost, i'll always have her. stupid yeo xiner nagging,nagging,nagging at me. but i know she care=] just right, she always happen to pop out from no where. and stood close to me. her lecturing always make me realise that im just thinking too much =x. although i dislike her nagging, but i know she meant well=]. yeo xiner! lets go out one dae!. lets go for a stroll on the beach=)
well, its not too bad ya? friends ive lost for a period of time, actually did stood by me still, and im starting to believe that true fren,are indeed few.
seriously, i dun like my life now!. i wanna go away, get back my whole life. it makes me seem so... uneducated and... dunno what word to describe myself. =x
so exhasted. but still, i cant sleep. what's going on again?
i need to get a life. i need to break it off. give me a life~ woohoo~ maybe,mybe,maybe. maybe i'll get my way out soon=)
im slowly adapting to it. slowly telling myself life still has to go on. slowly pickin up myself. help,i needed someone to guide me along . its not easy trying to pick up small,tiny bits of broken pieces. not easy moving on. but if others can, what about me? i cant always running away. cant always be avoiding. cant always be stayng in my comfort zone. cant always be like this. joanna yong, get a life for yourself now .
missing every seconds.
9:47 AM
i believe, i will find my mr prince one dae.
actually im quite emo todae. but i went over to find zhihao. i plead him to meet me for around half an hour=[[. and finally he did. and well, as it owax happen, when i meet him , nth good happen=x. i asked him to give me ride around. i pleaded him again. and he agreed! even though didnt tok much to him, at least i noe he still care for me. and ya, im really touch. alot of regrets in me. hope to spend more time with him before i get admitted into hospital=x. let me see, by than, i'll be dropping many hair, i'll be bald one dae. i'll be lookin so frail. so weak. so sick. maybe one dae, all my friends would be sitting beside my bed. maybe one dae, they will feel my cold hand, see the heart beat going down. slowly slowly. i'll be gone.
OH NO!!! nightmares ar!=x. i still got so many things to do. still got so many place havent go.
im so happy todae. for once. after so long. i met up with zhihao. and for once he didnt scold me. he still bring me around.
at that moment,i suddenly feel so happy for once.
feel as though im the luckilest woman on earth.
that moment,i dun feel any stress coming towards my direction
still, thanks for the memories given. i have so many things to sae still
i miss u sometimes i wonder why are you the one who will make me fall so bad. why are you the one who cause so much pain in me. i thought to myself, this isnt the wae i want my life to be. but its all beyond my control. pain,pain,pain i think im going crazy. cause ive been missing you so much. everydae, im fearing. what if one dae u ever go? what if one dae u decided to end it all?
truth that hurt so bad. truth that brings nightmares. truth that causes pain. truth that brings misery. iloveu,goodbye. baby,its gone
i still wonder.
12:18 AM
i still wonder how did i ever fall for u? and end up now im sufferin in this . i cant let go. im holding on.
maybe i noe that its all going to end. bring me up with u=x.
sometimes i ask myself. why did u ever become so important in my life? why cant i jus go on , move on without u here with me. i noe i can be a better person. i miss u
pain is what i feel.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008 9:33 PM
i cant imagine a day without you. im trying to go on. im losing my mind. thinking that you love me. but ive been a fool. i realised that its time i face the fact. everything changes i cant owax expect myself to be happy. i must not run away from reality. maybe every hurt u cause to me, is a sign to make me stronger.
should i be brave to accept the fact? and get this pain gone once n for all? should i be strong just for this time? knowing that its so hard to let go, but no point carrying on. i believe that things would change to be better. just let time slowly heal the pain. u claim that ur feeling didnt fade. but i guess its just a lie. why?why?why can i even let go of sky yet not u? its been 2mths n 24 daes. wad a long distance. i'll just let myself slowly get healed from this pain. perhaps im just afraid. afraid of getting hurt again.
goodbye.
8:22 AM
goodbye my love. we end it. thanks for the memories.
im second.
Monday, June 2, 2008 3:34 AM
u sae that im the second in ur life. i dun want to . i want to be the first. well it kinda hurt sometime to know some truth. if that's the case, i would rather not know anything. i just want to be happy with you.
BIOGRAPHY
♥`joanna.
♥`28june1991.
♥`music is everything to her.
♥`baby steps towards life.
♥`sentimental&emotional.
♥`materialistic&possesive.
