Sunday, November 29, 2009 6:48 AM
nowadays im feeling unhappy.
maybe because im thinking too much,
and my pay havent even come in.
this few days im rather stoned too.
whatever tts happenin in my surrounding,
i dun reali care about it.
maybe i do care but i choose to close one eye.
time indeed pass so fast...
i have sooo many holidays awaiting for me..
but one thing for sure is,
christmas is around the corner.
ive been a good girl this yr round.
so i hope uncle santa will grant me a simple wish i asked for.
off to holiday veryyy sooon next week.
if my mum allow me to go,
otherwise i need wait till christmas day than can leave singapore.=x
anybody wanna ask me to get anything from vietnam,indonesia or malaysia?
text text me.(:
i wish you are happy,
wherever you are,
i jus wan u to be happy.
love is sooo selfish.
its either i gain sth or lose sth.
but i choose to lose sth to make u happy.
just be happy.
i hope you will still wait on me,
please dun ever give up on me.
because i still need you.
i may not tell you,
but i wished u could feel it.
so heartpain,
what i needed from you,
you no longer can give it to me..
i just dun feel it anymore.
sigh,
just your assurance please...
imissyou baby,
i dunno whether if you're still holding onto me..
maybe soon u will be gone from my sight,
whatever it is,
i am prepared.
just tell me wad you feel,
i will understands.
iloveyou.
if loving someone,
and wants them to be happy,
i have to give up,
i will.
Friday, November 27, 2009 8:54 AM
baby,
i love you(:.
i hate it when ppl disapprove with what im doing.
i hate it when somebody trys to break us up.
enough of everything,
all i want if for you to grant me happiness,
and give me ur fullest blessing.
please,
just let me go and give me a break.
BABY I MISS U!!
ALTHOUGH WE ARE ON THE FONE NOW,
but i still miss ur presence here with me.
remember what we keep telling each other?
i have a dream before.
i want to have a twins.
one girl and one boy.
we'll name it prince&princess saputra(:
than everyweek go to church.
than we will live happily ever after.(:
Tuesday, November 24, 2009 4:41 PM
baby maybe im jus hoping too much from you,
maybe all this is my wiseful thinking.
please tel me tt u love me too.
hugs.
Monday, November 23, 2009 9:34 AM
baby,
imissyou.
and i had lots of funnnnnn todae(:
Sunday, November 22, 2009 9:37 AM
it seems like im slowly facing the fact that it hurts.
it is reali so painful,
till i dun even noe how to walk out of this.
i finally begin to understand what is going on between us,
and im beginning to feel that im losing grip of everything.
i thought it would be better if i controlled myself,
and stop myself from crying.
i thought after not crying ytd,
everything will slowly be fine.
but im wrong.
because this time i feel the pain again.
they say it takes time to heal the pain,
but right now my heart is breaking in to pieces.
so many things i wanna say,
but i jus cant voice out,
so just let tears replaced everything.
^RENEE CHOO FORGAVE ME,
FINALLY AFTER 1234567890YEARS&0987654321MTHS(:*
Saturday, November 21, 2009 8:16 AM
u didnt contact me today,
and i miss u badly baby.
jus one ans from u,
is it reali goodbye?
baby,even till now,
im stil holding on.
Friday, November 20, 2009 6:35 PM
todae will be a better day.
ive finally decided to walk out of all the painful memories,
and start a new day,
start a new life without you.
this few days of pain is enough.
deep in my heart,
i will hold onto us.
till u ever rmb me again.
9:40 AM
the tears ive shed for u,
is so much more than anything else.
my heart aches.
Thursday, November 19, 2009 7:52 AM
baby,
hold onto me,
hold onto us,
hold onto everything that's coming our way.
remember the message u used to sent to me?
saying that we are a perfect couple,
saying that its fate that brought us close.
how long do i have to wait?
i will still wait.
because im joanna yong.
one year?
two year?
i will still wait.
wait until u tell me that u dun love me anymore,
only than i will give up.
if i can wait for athari for one yr plus,
it means i can wait for u as well.
i know u cant give me my assurance,
but i jus want u to contact me.
this few days without you:-im having mense cramp but nobody buy me medicine anymore.-im craving for macdonald and nobody run to buy back for me.-its cold and nobody to cover me with jacket.-pantry&runner at the same time,yet nobody help me.-you used to always cut watermelon&honeydew for me,but this time i have to cut myself,and i accidentally cut my hand.-nobody to auntomatically refill my cup with warm water daily anymore-nobody to listen to my complains.-nobody to make coffee for me.-nobody to feed me desert secretly.-nobody to play with me.-nobody for me to secretly pass love notes.-nobody to mess my hair when i wiping cutleries.-nobody to whisper behind my ear.-nobody for me to wipe my hands on the shirt.baby,
this few days without you at outlet is reali bad.
ive lost the source of my joy ever since u left.
i no longer smile as happier as i am,
i no longer talk as much as i used to.
everywhere i go,
each corner ive been to,
also havin a picture of u there.
Lihe keep on telling me.,
'joanna ,if andreas is here,he will do this,do that for you...''if only andreas is here,..''i know u misses andreas...'baby so now u noe how much i miss u?
faster come back,
because im waiting for u in singapore:(
my heart reali feel the pain.
i jus cant go on without u.:(
i will wait for u!
to chris:i know i hurt u alot,
i dun care how much u said u love me,
because its too late.
the more i hate u to smack k,
the more u did it.
i dunno if u sae it without doing,
or jus wan to attract attention,
but whatever it is,
i hate it when u spike me with words.
because u noe u've done wrong,
and i will nvr chi hui tou cao.
you know im still waiting,
and i duno how long it wil be.
just let me go my dear.(:
you'll be happier.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009 11:01 PM
a choice for me to choose between both.
chris,
i know u love me alot.
but i still choose to wait on him.
i know waiting on him seems to be hopeless,
because eventually one day he will stil fade feeling.
but i dunno.
i seriously dun dare to think of the future.
my fears is reali in me this time.
i know both of u chatted on facebook about me,
both of u are hurt in some ways.
but imagine im in the middle,
how would u guys feel?
im sorry if ive hurt you alot,chris.
im feeling pain,
im feeling numb.
dun keep askin to sae goodbye.
because all i wan is u.
im afraid as time goes by,
u will forget me.
whatever i used to sae before,
u nvr give me a definite answer.
i dunno how long can i endure the pain.
but once u stop loving me,
i will stop holding on too.
as long as u say its over.
hold onto me,
hold onto us,
i nver wan to ever lose u.
baby,iloveyou.
EVEN IF U STOP LOVING ME,
I WILL STIL LOVE YOU.
DUN FORCE ME TO LET GO,
IF U NOE ITS IMPOSSIBLE.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009 6:40 AM
baby left.:(
saw him for barely 15minutes,
and he step into the gate already.:(
i keep tellin myself i need to be strong ,
and the moment he went in,
he seems to be so eager to leave..:(
thankful for having chris there by my side,
and my sis keep asking me to let him go in,
otherwise he will be even sadder.
right now sitting in front of the computer,
feeling so numb and uneasy.
imagine goin to work without his presence there,
every corner i turn to,
will have a 'picture' of him standing there.
why do time pass by so fast?
half a yr indeed passes by so fast.
too fast for him to leave me.
joanna yong,
you need to be strong,
andreas dun belong to here.
he still need to go back to where he belong.
so tell urself tt half a yr of precious memories is enough,
okay?
the time ive been waiting for has finally arrived.
the fears ive been afraid of,
came true.
my heart feel so pain.
its time to let go.
no more andreas saputra in my life anymore.
say goodbye to the precious moment.
this year christmas gonna spend alone at work.
he is actually the source of my joy at work.
but without him,
my life will seen to have sth amissed.
Saturday, November 14, 2009 6:59 AM
everything has to go on,
no matter what happens.
and yes,
i still have to be strong.
ive been there done that.
so i supposed i should have understand what im goin thru in 2days time,
is a must.
ive gone thru the pain of losing 3closest bestie to me,
and it has already passed one year.
i should have been stronger by this time.
because i learnt how to let go and carry on in life.
although the feeling of nvr gettin him to be around jus sucks,
but i stil need to spread my wings and sore up high,
being independent n not dependin on him is wad i need to start learning now.
everyone has been sayin that time will heal the pain,
but what if im jus hanging there helplessly,
and hopin that u will still come around?
i started counting down from months ago,
than to sep9,
slowly slowly until oct 27,
and till ur birthday,
and well,
finally right now its only 2days left.
this yr indeed pass so fast.
half a yr jus gone by so fast.
maybe right now the sadness i feel in me,
is jus a minor pain.
but after u leave,
every corner i go,
will always have memories of u.
but im trying to tell myself not to let it affect me.
im trying to tell myself tt i should be feeling this way.
im trying to tell myself that i should be strong.
and this is the reason why,
tears have been held back.
every life has one true love snapshot,
the moment i saw u walking out of the door,
and those eye contact we had,
u capture my heart from the veri beginning,
and that very moment,
is freezed.
a scene that i will never forget.
the pain,
ive feeled it.
those lies,
ive heard of it.
those moments,i enjoyed it.
those goodbye u said,
im getting used to it.
even until now,
you leave me hanging on,
knowing that u never intended to catch my fall.
Friday, November 13, 2009 11:45 AM
actually havin u in my life,
realli makes a big difference.
and i truly mean it.
but its over,too serious too soon.ive done the wrong thing,
over & over again.
8:23 AM
tml is the last day.
i keep on telling myself to be strong.
but who will truely understand the fear i have in my heart?
Wednesday, November 11, 2009 8:29 PM
Saturday, November 7, 2009 10:42 AM
心里上的痛,
谁能了解?
who will ever understand the emptiness im feelin in my heart nowadays?
the nightmares come and haunt me in the middle of the night again.
i'll never get away with this.
i will never get away with this.
so,
leave me alone.
let me ease the pain myself.
the nightmares is here.
the nightmares is here.
the nightmares is here.
you are my hiding place,
time when i couldnt settle my heart down,
time when i cried myself to bed,
time when i hide my sorrow behind the smile,
its you who see through everything of me.
because i know you do love me.
guide my path,
heal my broken soul,
embrace me in ur arms.
take away all of my pain.
9:50 AM
i feel neglected.
why like that?
joanna yong think its best she dun let anyone come close her,
its best she stay alone.
so,
dune very try to step in.
because,
you neglected me.you are right,
im not happy.
Friday, November 6, 2009 1:38 PM
edited-not getting to see you,
not able to be dote by you,
somehow makes me feel alittle awkward,
its than when i realised,
i actually do miss you.
9:49 AM
i have many things i want to rant on my blog.
on the way home in the bus from work,
ive been thinking of millions of stuff that i want to say.
but as i sit in front of the computer,
my mind jus completely went blank.
what is rummaging thru my mind right now-.-.
nowadays joanna yong has been rather stone.
rather slow in many things.
i supposed its because yongyong got not enough sleep=x.
everyday just work work work.
i have less than 9hours of sleep in 72hours.
OMG-.-..
i feel that im tired physically and emotionally as well..
time is passing by soooo fast.
today is already 7november.
its exactly one month when i know chris.
and in exactly ten days time,
andreas will be leaving already.
dear diary,
you know i just keep telling myself to be strong.
joanna yong dun cry when he go.
joanna yong dun cry when he go.
joanna yong DUN CRY WHEN HE GO!
but before he go i already cry countless time.
joanna yong is too use to his presence for this half a yr.
we've been closer than anything we can be.:(
without him,
who will close coffee machine for me?
who will mop floor for me?
who will take up the punishment for me?
who will help me serve hotplate ?
who will put plaster for me when i burn my hand?
who will make coffee for me?
who will stand by water in my cup everyday?
who will serve desert for me?
who will help me clear table?
who will help me stock up sbc?
who will help me out when bar is jam?
who will wipe my tears away when i cry?
who will i whine to when im tired?
who will i complain to if im angry?
who will buy me food when im hungry?
who will lend me lighter when i do fire steak?
who will everytime purposely make me angry n smile again?
who will refill ice water for me?
sigh,
there are so many things more.
much much more.
from the very first day he go work,
i already know him.
so in some sense im much more closer to him than haryo.
and andreas did so many things,
much more things for me than haryo.
im so afraid as the days draw nearer,
he sae he would be back,
but even if he reali do,
it will be in two years time.
anton,dian,dodi&haryo used to say they will be back too,
but it has already passed a yr plus.
i havent get to see them yet.
i miss them so much.
i reali do...
they doted on me jus like a younger sister of theirs.
and i remember my world only rotates around them.
but end of all they stil leave me.
God is indeed unfair to me.
those people closest to me,
and already have a place in my heart,
all come from indonesia..
and end of all they still need to go back to where they belong.
so chris,
now u understand why i wanna cherish andreas for this few weeks?
im afraid when they go back,
i will regret for not spending time with them.
i dunno how long more than can i see them.
maybe for the rest of my life,
i wouldnt get to see them.
and pictures of them will slowly fade away from my memories,
till i cannot rmb how they look like:(
i told myself i need to be strong...
strong to let andreas leave me.
strong to be independent once again.
God,
please..let the time stop for now..please.
it has been 1yr 1mth im officially single.
and im starting to get used to my single lifestyle right now.
i may have fallen in and out of love,
but i dun have the courage to step into a new relationship again.
i start to think back of the past,
when i used to like athari..
i rather go back to those times,
at least i know clearly that i only love him,
and at tt time i was all alone,
i do things myself,
i stay at home alone,
i went out alone,
i eat alone,
i cry alone,
although everythin i do it myself,
but at least i dun have as much problem.
right now,
many people re-enter my life again,
and im startin to have so many stress n problem.
i cannot afford to do so.
i rather choose to be alone once again.
chris,
i said give us two weeks.
but this few days u make me reali tired.
with all those nasty ,painful words.
with all those fears u gave me,
with all those pain i let u suffer too...
one month ago,
i used to be looking forward to seeing u.
but right now,
im afraid.
im startin to feel some sort of fears in me.
which makes me feel that im lost.
im realli feeling so lost.
ive gotta admit this few days im not happy at all.
especially when days is passing by so fast.
what should i do?
here i am once again,
trying to run away from reality.
trying to hide away from all those problems tt ive gotta face .
somebody please help me.~
Monday, November 2, 2009 2:44 AM
somebody please tell me what's right and what's wrong,
why is my heart aching so much?
why am i feeling so upset and totally lost?
what is happening to me?!?!?!?!
i hate u for lying to me!
GOH CUI ZHEN I REALLY HATE U FOR LYING.
AND U STUPID LET ME FIND OUT
AGAIN!!!!!.FUCKER.
12:02 AM
nowadays im feeling alittle sucky in my heart.
that day went to meet pig,
finally after 8months plus get to mit her.
than went down to yishun,
ton with gwen,sister,sky,chris,xiuting.
after that went home to sleep.
than go for work.
ytd after work,
went down tamp with chris to mit kat n alvin.
got some problem want to settle.
end up lei,
both of them also kinda injured.
sigh lets not say about it le bahs.
when i saw kat ytd,
i felt like tellin her..
'baby i miss xiuting so much.'
a period of time i was hearin songs and everything jus flash back.
i want xiuting back.
but after readin her blog now,
i understand tt she is feeling okay le and nolonger need me.
my heart aches the moment i read that.
someone i used to teng the most.
what is exactly happenin to me??
i wish i would be able to forgive her,
but everythin that used to happen to me just stop me from doing it.
because i trusted her so much,
yet she just destroy everything.
i personally noe tt it is a small matter,
but i couldnt bring myself to get over it.
i hate myself for being so stubborn.
i hate myself for not being able to open up my heart to anyone.
i hate myself for not allowing anyone to step in.
i hate myself for allowing the most impt person to leave me.
i hate myself for causing so many problems to everyone.
i hate myself for steppinn into others life.
i wish i could be alone.
i wish nobody will ever walk in.
i wish someone would understand how i feel.
you are right,
if that day you didnt make me cry,
than we wouldnt be like this already.
its because you make me cried.
causes me and xiuting to end up like this.
and u cause me to lose faith in you already.
what i used to trust in you,
now totally gone.
i wish i could tell u that i dun wan to make u hurt anymore,
we should nt go on like this.
im so tired.
tired of everything.
i had enough...
baby,
thanks for doting on me still after so many years.
and im glad alvin actually do care for me de.
wanna apologize for everything that has happen to us.
but still,
u mean so much to me even though we have drifted apart.
thanks for enterin my life.
and i nvr regret knowing you.
