im sorry for being such a fool.
sorry that i dun feel it too.
sorry for not knowing tt u used to be here.
my mind has been thinking.
many thought has been rummaging thru my mind.
i thought to myself.
'i realised that i actualli havent let go.'
i asked myself..
what's the reason behind all this.
i realised that im no longer the most important.
because your heart has someone else.
u said nobody can ever replaced HER in ur heart.
so i supposed;
i'll never be the one.
nowadays has been thinkin of derek and sky.
wondering how are they doing.
didnt get to see daddy for a LONGG period of time.
imisshim!!!
but i dunno if he ever misses me.
as i thought of the word daddy,
what comes into my mind is the word PAIN to describe it.
what lies behind these pain is a mystery.
my bdae's approachin in 1month4days time.
i wish for alot of thing=]].
DEREK-i wan daddy to make nuer the most happiest person on earth on tt dae,
even if i know after that dae,
most probably alot of things will changed between me n him,
at least i hope derek give me one last dae.
a dae to be hapi with him.
a dae for me to know tt i once had him close to my heart.
daddy,
even if u were to reali go,
please..
please give me a dae to spend it with u.
to spend it happily with u.
u once promised me to give me father love.
but where were u when i needed u?
i start to become even more independent without u.
i start to be strong.
i dun wish for anythin from u.
nuer just wan daddy to make me happi.
n promise yi bei zi with me.
daddy,
even though i noe u wouldnt be readin this.
but still i have to sae,
i need u .
i cant go back to a life when i first noe u.
cuz u've brought me too far from reality.
u have ur love.
i dun blame u.
u once hurt me.
lead me on.
i dun blame u too.
but i jus wan to be happi.
happi with u.
n i'll be contented.
maybe u have lied to me many times.
i jus dun wanna sae.
i rather let u see me as a naive person.
i jus wanted to care for u.
i noe u needed care.
even though i myself need it .
i'll give all my care,dote n attention to u.
i have always wanted to tell u alot of things.
but i noe,
even if i sae it out,
u wouldnt care.
u wouldnt noe what lies behind my tears.
i miss u daddy.
my onli bdae wish is only from derek.
there's nothing more i want to sae.
its jus a simple wish.
dear whoever up above in the sky,
please grant my wish.
this year,
im not being greedy.
im not asking for much.
i jus want happiness.
i may go around telling ppl different bdae wish ive expected.
but deep down wad i want is to be happi.
i dun wan to ask for much.
because i noe it will nv cum true.
i dare not wan more than anything.
maybe what lies in my heart,
nobody would know.
maybe what reali is going on in my life,
nobody understands too.
but still,
i fear.
i fear for 1june08 to approach.
i dun wish for tt dae to come..
i know it'll be another sad dae for me.
a nightmare.
another nightmare.
nightmare!nightmare!nightmare!
argh.
i dunno how am i going to pass thru tt dae.
my eyes would be filled with tears.
i'll go to sch with swollen eyes.
its gonna be FOREVER.
forever tt u're going.
i guess i no longer get to see u as often.
the word forever tt u sae,
give a shock to me.
what have u been doing outside?
why all this?
why does all this happen?
i said not to cry,
but before i can realise,
my eyes start to tear.
tears kept flowing as i think of the dae approaching.
i reminisce on daes we've spent together.
never forget how i once saw u sitting at the corner,
without anyone to turn to.
without anyone to talk to.
without anyone botherin u.
this must have hurt,right?
because u've brought me here,
u make me suffer together with u.
i noe all this has become a destiny.
n none of us can be blame.
u will never noe wad u have caused.
oh mine;
i wish all this could just end.
i wish all this would be brought behind me.
as a part of my memories.
things n problems cant be compared.
PLEASE;
end this.
bring it behind me.
take away the pain.
bring me along.
~feel the heart ache as everything's written down.
i'll always be standing along the link way.
n if ever u want to return one dae,
i'll always welcome u back into my heart.
i wish my journey would be completed soon.
i dun want to live long.
hurry bring me up.
i know ur looking down at me from heaven.
u've become my sky.
the only thing i'll look up to,
when ever im feeling down.
i noe u're the only thing i can turn to.
seriously,
i dunno how to speak up.
i dunno how to open my mouth n cry.
i dunno how to open my mouth n talk.
i can only run to the toilet n squat at the side to cry,alone.
who can i run to?
i cant even voice out what ive wan to sae.
help me.
im choke with unsaid truth.
seriously i wanted to sae;
dun go.
please DO NOT go.
please DO NOT leave me alone.
people asked me
'why pierce?'
'why tattoo again?'
but who knows?
my heart hurts more than a million times.
every pain is not in there,
its in my heart.
XINTONG.
