Friday, February 1, 2008 2:53 AM
i feel like a piece of shit.i feel used.i feel cheated.i feel so make use of.i dunno why i will feel this way.but it reali hurts.this is painful.suffocating inside..keeping everything inside my heart.somehow hope someone will know tt i want to be happy.let me be happy.dont take my happiness away.i feel as though im going into depression again.i have to lie to myself.if that is all i have to do.dunno where i wanna go.dunno where i want to end up in.i can only sae,i feel pain.its tremendously painful.i hate it.dunno who to run to.dunno who to tell my problems to.im in a dilema.i dunno who to trust.i think i need to find my way out..but,how to?fuck.i may have changed.may have disappoint alot of ppl.but i noe wad im doing.i noe wad is right or wrong.i just want to be happy.i dunno wad happen.why am i feeling this wae?what happen to me?suddenly feel so ....alone..i may have a stead,may have frens who spent time with me everydae.but who knows wad im feeling deep down?i realised ive become more enclose..i keep pratically everything to myself.just cant forgive myself for wad ive done.just cant..i want to speak out..but i seriously dunno how to do so.somehow reali hope to...sigh..suddenly nowadays i just want to be alone.but suay suay always got ppl ask me out..den..sigh..felt like playing mia sia..i dunno wad i want to do..that night,i suddenly realised,im running away from many problems.i can only sae,i hate myself.i hate the world.can someone reali see,that im no longer who i used to be?i hate to act!i hate to put a smile on my face,when actualli,deep down im not even okay.i miss alot of people.is not tt i dunno how to cherish them when they're around.is just tt i dunno wad to do.is not that i am starting to regret not cherishing them.but deep sown,is actually..i realised ive been running away from problems.always thought tt when i think of those problems,sleep and tml will be fine.but i realise im wrong.i noe one dae will come,when all the problems just flash into my head.and i know running away cant resolve any problem.i just feel so fuck.fuck about myself.i felt like stabbing a knife into my heart.to take the pain away.fuck.this is tormenting.i i
