dear diary,
sometimes i wonder,
how is it with fathers love?
how does it feel?
how happi?
how stressful?
i wan a daddy.
i walk along the dark n lonely road just now,
no cars,no human,nothing.
only the lamp post shining light along the dark road.
i realise life would be rather lonely sometimes.
there will be times when i'll feel lonely,
i'll feel scare,tired.
suddenly,i look upon the sky,
i burst into tears..
i told myself,
'ah ma,wo hen xiang ni'.
i miss my granny.
somehow i hope she will bring me up with her.
or at least let me see her once more,
i reali wish i can see her again,
i believe ah ma know whatever im going thru rite now.
she's lookin down from heaven.
the cremation dae,is my saddest period of time.
everyone asked if im okay,
i sae i am.but i feel trapped.
my aunt fainted n my precious cousin had to bring her to the hospital.
the coffin slowly move along the track.
its time to be burnt,
i told myself,
'ah ma;goodbye.i thank u for ur love'.
but the cremation causes me to have nightmares;continuously.
this is suffocating,'GOD,PLEASE TAKE IT AWAY'.
the empty road,empty street.
out alone on the street,
walkin briskly,heart ache,tears flowing.
no,this is not the life i want.
those flashback of the painful childhood.
every vivid memories,
thoughts rummagin thru my mind,
this is scary.
i cant forgive..
i told myself i want to.
but i doubt tt i can.
i told myself,
everyone deserve a second chance.
but hey,this pain he cause,
is a nightmare.
gif me some time.to take away this pain.
i felt so stuck.
heartache,pain.
i dun wan all this.
i wanna be alone.
i wanna leave.
but i noe i cant.
i pray tt god will heal this pain.
i had a deprived childhood,
i had a miserable family life.
i had a broken family.
i hate it.
God,maybe others dunno how i feel.
but i believe u do.
u sae u love all ur children,
but why me?
have i done anythin wrong in life?
i dun wish for anythin.
i jus wan ppl ard me to be happi.
tts all i wish for.
give me a reason to my answer,pls.
i feel numb to love.
i told myself,
i will endure .
even if im hurt by my frens,by love.
i will only cry for a thin which has been botherin me.
i promise.
sth which i am concern of.
i thought of it,
every single min im awake.
im nt in a love mood.
i dun wan to love,
i dun love anyone.
i onli wan to live on...
tryin my best to.
i will cry alone.
i will be tortured alone.
i hope the night will never end.
i will suffer this alone.
i told daddy,mummy
im a human.
i have my own feelings too.
i dun blame anyone.
i blame myself.
please tink of my feelings before any decision is made.
God,please tink of this little child feeling.
ah ma,your're being missed.
this is ah ma.my ah ma.i love u.
i wish God would sae tt ur partin is jus a dream.
im nt takin in reality.
i wouldnt be able to hear ur gentle voice anymore,
no longer get to see ur smile.
