if i bleed for you,would you love me back?

in time to come.

2011-10-02T04:49:00.000-07:00

many things happen during this few months..

time is indeed running fast.

i had missed out on alot of things but i do feel happier now than before:)

even though i have lost the lady whom used to be there throughout my darkest time,

but i have learnt to pick myself up,

to go on without you,

to accept the fact that i have really lost you.

your bday is approaching,

i wouldnt be wishin u,

but that doesnt mean i have forgotten u.

i jus knew what u wanted me to do 2yrs back when u have decided to leave.

:) i miss you.

i wish i had e chance to talk to you still.<3

taaaa-daaaa!

time flies and now is already the month of october:)

i still have less than two months to go,

im nervous,

im excited..

maybe throughout all these month i have learnt to see,

to see what should be called priority and what i shld not bothered.

becoming a mother myself is no longer a joke,

i wanna give little chloe the best i could.

many have said that i resemble daddy,

but i wanna make a change,

i wouldn wan to follow his footstep..

throughout all these years,

i have been living in denial.

i lied to myself that i have e best dad in this world.

i lied that he didnt mean to leave.

but i was wrong.

ive learnt that he is indeed jus so useless.

i tell myself im a 20yrs old kid now,

i no longer wan to dwell back in e past.

i have to moved on.

and im indeed trying.

i have learnt to forgo,

and take thing easy..

im still trying & still learning to grow up.

maybe i have straightened my thoughts,

i have seen it all,

time to go on,

to move on,

to learn to achieve what ive lost.

to be happier in life:)

2011-07-13T11:02:00.001-07:00

throughout everything,

i treated u as a friend.

i doted on you more than i could have done so.

i have never given up hope on you.

but end of all all u make me felt was disappointment,

used and betrayed.

because u betrayed my trust.

and u betrayed my friendship.

u make me feel used by u.

i was upset.

i dunno what u wan from me anymore.

because only when u feel lonely than u turn to me.

even if really i only have u as a fren,

for me to lose you,

i really would.

because u are not worth my frenship.

do u think i really wanna chase u for e money?

let me tell u,

its because u always take me for granted.

my birthday.

2011-07-05T12:55:00.001-07:00

this is part of whoever that came for my birthday.

but there are more people.

i wanna thank kat,wendy,chris,medaline,siao eh,alicia, ah yi, xiao sky,deardear, lawrence,

they really make my life worthwhile for that very moment.

i miss the past.

my bday,

gwen n xiao sky came my hse with a bday cake,

than kat came to fetch me at 530.

after which head down to pwp to meet dear & timothy.

waited superrrr long before CHRIS, MEDALINE& GF came.

i swear i was damn happy cuz e two butch lie tt they need work!

after that went yoshinoya to eat,

POT CAME OKAY!!!

omg i was soooo happy.

sat at pwp stairs for very long chatted n laughed among us.

than,

KUKU WENDY APPEARDED with a cake!

i was v touched because i nv expected that she will be there!:)

i almost burst into tears!

than go to mac n sit n tok for really long,

before that AHYI N GF CAME!

i hugged him so tight!

its been yrs since i seen him:)

than chris stayed throughout with kat until all go.

tts how i spend my bday:)

TON after dunno how many yrs,

at old airport road with kat,chris n timothy.

bus-ed home on e morning.

dear came over cause we quarreled,

after which okay le i went his hse to stay.

all e way till sat &,

i FELL SICK.:)

SIAO EH & ME :)

my dearest SISTER & BABY:)

KUKU & BABY :)

HAPPY ME:)

the one not facing cam is xiaosky.

while at my hse downstairs:)

this guy was with me throughout all these months.

he was there when i had to make a right decision,

he was there when i need to be scolded.

he was there when i fell apart in life.

he was there to keep me strong & going.

he was there to be my sunshine.

he was there to make me e happiest girl on earth.

he was there when i lost my sens of direction.

he was there to pull me thru my darkest moment.

he was there when i needed a shoulder to cry on.

he was there when i couldnt find a reason to be strong.

he was there to feed me with food.

he was there to treat me like a princess.

he was there for me when i needed to go e extra mile.

he was there for me in e middle of the night.

he was there to bring me the most precious thing in life.

he was there to be my future n destiny.

he was there to love me.

though we always quarrel & quarrel,

but i know deep down he loves me alot too.

i couldnt have been strong without him today.

i couldnt have been luckiler to have him with me.

i love u my future husband,

thanks for being a part of me. ♥

and to you,

my only true friend.

i have not forgotten you.

though u have left & never a part of me anymore,

i rmb all that you have taught me clear & well.

i finally know what u hope of me back in the past.

but it was me,

who is naive & stubborn,

not willing to hear you out.

now that finally after u leaving me for going to two years,

i got ur meaning.

what is grown up?

u left me half way to grow up on my own.

my life will nvr have u stepping in anymore,

for this i know.

i dunno if u still care for me,

but i just want you to know that i miss you.

i look back thru the pictures we had.

you were a part of me,

but time flys.

i & you really grow up.

never expected both of us to end up like this,

because whenever there's jo,

there will always be yinjie.

but it doesnt matters anymore.

many times we could walk right passed each other,

as though we were never a part of each others life.

i jus wan u to know,

i miss you& i really do.

2011-03-23T10:55:00.000-07:00

okay as u all can see,

many things have changed in my life this year.

im back to single again,

and my relationship with jeffrey lasted for 1yr 3 mths before we officially broke up.

things didnt go well with us thise 2 mths when he is in army,

and everything turn out nasty n ugly as well.

but im moving on happily because there is no point holding back.

i have no regrets for everything i have done in the past,

and i left because i love him n i hope he will grow up.

the last thing i hope of him is for him to be truely happy.

though i may not be the one who get to be cherished like the next girl tt comes along,

im still willing to let it all go for him to know what is love.

and i believe if u really love someone,

you would want them to be truely happy.:)

this is e greatest sacrifice a girl can do in love,

agreement? :)

okay back to topic,

in may i will be attending my sister wedding:))

omg i seriously cant wait.

is like finally:)

alright blog again soon:)

Mars n venus.

2011-02-06T19:54:00.001-08:00

Mars n Venus. Both different world.sigh

2011-01-20T10:43:00.000-08:00

we have been together for coming 1 yr 2 mths already.

ever since the day u went in army until now,

we have been quarrellin alot,

and i feel that time is forcing both of us to be strong n move on.

time indeed change someone.

and you said that you dun feel my love anymore,

but deep down in my heart i reali still love you.

i must always rmb not to let a moment of happiness destroy what i have.,

i miss u so much,

but u just cnt be here with me.

im learnin to go on without you.

its not that i cant wait on,

its just that what exactly happen to us?

what happen to the once we call 'you n me?'

both you and i know that there is something wrong between us.

both of us reali feel the distance between us.

but we can only keep on quarreling.

sooo many things happen during this one mth plus when u are inside,

and both of us began to lose trust in each other.

this is the obstacles,

are we reali able to pull thru all this obstacles?

LOOKING BACK AT THE PHOTOS,

we've been thru so much.

damn alot of hells together.

every different type of celebration.

every different type of happiness

even every single type of sadness.

i called just to say,

i reali miss u alot.

but do u reali noe?

time is forcing me to grow up.

i cant help but keep on thinking.

can i choose not to grow up?

i didnt wan to face the reality world.

but i noe i need to grow up.,

will u reali reali be my future?

2011-01-09T23:28:00.000-08:00

i love you baby.

you have already enter army for a month,

and im still trying to get used to not having here with me.

suddenly todae turns out that i start to miss u so much,

and i wished u were here to give me a tight hug.

letting me know that u are still around,

wandering around my presence.

no body can ever replace u despite we going thru more than a yr together now.

i still love u,

and my feelin hasnt faded a single bit yet.

i wish u were here.

i wan u here with me.

no matter what,

i jus cant give up on u.

because of the strong love for u.

im still waiting .

and i wanna wait till u are out,

we'll settle down n plan for our future.

jus waiting for u,

to asked me to be yours.:)

wo ai ni.

2011-01-06T23:58:00.000-08:00

so long never blog le.
in three days time,
baby in army already one month le.
time passed very fast uh.
but than we have been quarreling alot eh.
that time baji lied to me on new yr day.
first time after this one yr plus.
well,
getting used to work life n also nt havin baji le bahs.
but of course my heart still love him:)

2010-11-12T07:01:00.000-08:00

ive been a good girl without u here with me.
i wanna drink!!
time pass so fast.
i have been moving on,
or at least trying to.
u are ;
gone

2010-11-05T07:57:00.000-07:00

today marks the 11mths of us being offically together.
and in one month time,
it will officially mark our one year anniversary.
and soon 4days after that,
u will be going in army for two years.
my heart has all the questioned longing to be asked.
my heart feels all the curiosity and anxiety.
time is drawing nearer.
and as each day pass,
i began to asked myself if i am strong enough to take it.
i began to slowly imagining u growin up,
and leaving my side.
i have been keepin u here for long,
its time i need to set u free to grow into a real man.
maybe this two years will cause a drastic change in us,
maybe in two yrs time we wouldnt be who we are anymore.
im holding on,
im cherish this one mth left for us.
im telling myself that when the time come,
i have to be strong.
yes,
i have not learnt how to grow up,
im still depending on u.
im still leaning on u to give me the warmth i asked for.
i tried to show as though im fine,
to be fine in everybody's eyes.
but deep down,
im struggling,
strugglin to tell myself to pick myself up.
struggling to tell myself to grow up.
my love for u is 100percent true.
they sae it will be a great test for us.
i have the confidence,
i just need more strength.
i want to be strong.
while u are inside,
i want to be smiling and waiting upon ur return.
i need to set u free to be a realman.
baby u noe wad?
no matter what matters to us in 1 mth,half yr,1 yr or even 2yrs from now,
i wan u to know im giving u my true blessing,
to let u be who u want to be.
and to show u that i reali love u.

this 11 mth together,
i wan to apologize.
apologize for being so paranoid and possesive to u.
sorry for holding on to u for so long.
i cant give u the best i can,
but only to let u have the best i have.
i tell myself,
joanna yong be strong.
and i am reali learning to be now.
it takes two hands to clap.
and i will give all i can to make this r/s worthwhile.
because,
its u who complete me.

no words can describe how much i truely love u or need u.
but i know u need to go ,
to learn to be a man.
and also to let our r/s go thru the strongest test ever.
time is drawing nearer.
and everydae im preparing myself.
i hope when the day come,
i will be smiling and bidding u goodbye.
being a reali strong person and not sheddin a tear.

2010-10-24T05:09:00.001-07:00

sometimes i feel tired.
i jus wanna have more of ur care.
but where are u when i need u most?
will u ever care if i ever run away and choose to hide?
will u find me?
will u think of me.
will u even worry for me?

2010-08-23T04:56:00.000-07:00

ive been admitted into the hospital afewdays ago.
and i thank ppl who had visited me.
and i also thank ppl who shown care n concern for me.
this few days its too much.
i dun think im able to stable myself yet.
i dunno wad to do.
i feel tt im quite lost.
wad should i do?
i feel tired.
reali reali tired.
i wanna hide .
i wanna go away.
sigh.
i dunno.

2010-08-03T07:34:00.000-07:00

sometimes i wonder,
if u're the one.
sometimes i asked myself.
what can u give me?
sometimes i asked god,
what do i want from u?
i began to wonder,
if u're reali the one.
i began to asked ,
are u my happiness?
am i supposed to go on like this?
is this realli wad i want from u?
is this wad u can reali give me?
a lepaord never changes its spots.
and will u always continue like this too?
what will the price be to hold on for so long?

how am i supposed to try living and carrying on like this?
give me a direction,god.

2010-06-24T07:48:00.000-07:00

is this relationship still surviving ?
or are we on the verge of breaking up?
are you still the guy whom i first known?
or have u changed completely into someone else?
my heart feel so unstable.
i wish i could voice it out to you.
baby what has happen to us?
cant u treat me better?
can u not leave me alone anymore?
can u cherish me more?
i began to realise,
time has realli passed very fast.
i still love you with every breathe tt i take.
my heart beats for u every single time we're together.
i tried to play a good part,
but i hope u noe wad it takes to make me happy.
dun ever let me feel lonely anymore.
will u ever noe how ive been feeling?
im so afraid tt u sae its over,
because its the last word i ever wan to hear.
baby;
~~dun let my heart die on you.~~

2010-06-17T01:25:00.000-07:00

i know what i have regretted in my life.
i know what has causes all this to become the ending.
~~why am i feeling a little mixed up in my heart?~~

2010-06-15T05:47:00.000-07:00

all the changes i have from 2007 until now.
actually i think i till look the same.hahas
only with more pimples and darker eyebag(:
year2007
year 2008
year 2008
year 2008
year 2009
year 2009
mar2010

and the most recent photo i took few days back.
june2010
i was just chatting with many people about time passing really fast.
i read back on alot of past love notes and all,
most of the time even trying to figure who wrote it to me and who i wrote to.lols.
my birthday is approaching in 13days time.
i mean it has been realli fast.
when i started counting down,
back than it was like 2mths plus ago.
and now it less than two weeks.
what will i have for this year?
maybe the more i grow up,
i start to stop all my wiseful thinking.
i start to stop my fairytale dreams and all.
i mean i began to realise many things i have not realised in the past.

my birthday is reali approaching,
but i know very well the people who wished me last yr,
will nvr wished me now.
the people who i spent my birthday with,
will never spend with me anymore.
many things have realli changed.
because a yr has past,
people might eventually forget how close they used to be with u etc..

these few years alot ppl step in and out of my life.
let me think back...
there are two person tt step into my life when i worked in jackplace,
and eventually left footprints in me.
i still rmb last year during my birthdae,
i had a fought with janelle after stjames..
but on my bdae she rushed down to celebrate with me.
i was hoping athari would have surprised me,
but he didnt.
and end up i fought with yinjie..

this year,
renee suddenly ended the friendship with me.
and zhihao and i got back in contact again.
maybe all these were fate?
people who were meant to stay should have stayed,
people who were meant to go will eventually leave.
i guess when i come to think back,
i still feel alittle upset.
coming to think of drifting with ppl whom are close to me once,
coming to think of sister i used to have.
coming to think of someone who would rush down whenever im in trouble.
but now i am already 19yrs old,
im no longer the 14yrs old girl u once noe.
no longer the 16 yrs old girl u once worry for.
no longer the 18 yrs old girl u always got angry with.
even if now i wan to make u angry,
even if i wanna make u care for me,
even if i wan you to notice me for the last time,
it all too late.
because u are gone.

suddenly funny thoughts have been rummagin thru my mind.
i mean i cant predict the future.
but who knows wad will happen in the end?
maybe e past had left you crying bitterly,
trying to struggle thru the pain.
but end up down in 5 or 10 years time,
the same thing will happen between u and the person,
but this time with a different ending?
i dunno..
im still hoping,
and i realli did hope.(:

i told YOU everyone has a past,
but not everyone dwell back.
they just did some looking back.
looking back at how foolish they were,
looking back at how stupid they have been.
looking back at how they tried to stand up from where they fall.
but they do not stay there and hold onto the pain.
instead,
they cry,
they feel the pain
and yet they still move on.
you said i have not grown up,
but u are wrong,
because days without u i have been trying to stand strong.
and now i am proud because ive made it.(:

i told myself joanna yong,
you just try..
try and never lose hope.
but the more i tried,
the more i realise u are realli gone.
so im giving up hope.
anywae,
i guess alot of my frens will tink im heartless.
im sorry to janelle and chris.
it has been so long since i contacted u guys or even mit up...

i told germ and zhihao,
many things have reali changed.
and coming to think of the past,
CHEE ZHIHAO U STIL OWE ME SUSHI UH.=)
germaine said it was fun.
i guess it reali was?
but out of all fun i had,
ive hurt many people intentionally & unintentionally.
just because i was still very immature and childish back than.
well anywae its the past(:.

so once again,
people who read my blog will be wondering..
'what the hell is this girl toking abt?'
but i like to sound as though im writing in mystery.
and if u noe it's u,
im sure u CAN feel it.
but i doubt u ever read my blog anymore(: .

2010-06-14T00:35:00.000-07:00

firstly,
joanna yong is extremely upset as she is havin alot of pimples poppin out!
secondly,
joanna yong is very tired havin to work work work everydae.
thirdly,
joanna yong has been undergoing severe 'depression' bcuz of surrounding things.
fourthly,
joanna yong boyfriend is busy playin game and ignoring her!!
lastly but not least,
joanna yong birthday is coming soon(:.

last week celebrated mummy birthdae on my anniversary.
time indeed pass so fast.
but few days later sth happen to me n baby,
perhap it want at the right time,
he was stress up with things ard him,
and yet i am there irritating him with all stupid thing.
but im glad baby and i are trying to mend back the hurt again..
i hope everythin has been settled for him,
hopin tt he is not as stress as before(:

recently,
i think back.
there are many people ive not seen for ages.
i start to realise that im drifting away from reality.
but i didnt care much,
i have a chance to mit them up,
but i choose not to because i dun want.
and maybe its because of all this.
but nvmx why would i care?

its already juneeee now!
time pass so fast.
heard from baby his daddy gonna surprise me on my bdaee?
but i dunno what to do tt dae.
i am officially broke this month:(
clubbin can realli cause one to be broke.
baby and i had tried to cut down on night outing with colleagues,
but they still pulled us along.
this june ,i swear every single week im heading towards clarke quay.
first week is for yiling's birthday,with 17ppl.mainly pwp n msq team.
second week is for li'he birthday,with 15 ppl BUT mostly china ppl.
third week is for choon choon's farewell,with 16ppl.mainly pwp staff.
and this week i heard lihe saying she wanna go on father day?
and next week wanna go celebrate my bdae?
i mean omg,
baby and i had become soo broke because of clubbing.

i swear i will be better,
without you i can be even much more better.
i have already moved out of ur heart,
i guess its time i do the same to u too.sigh...
joanna yong,
hapy bdae in advance(:
be happy.

2010-05-30T11:39:00.000-07:00

hello,
i miss you.
i hope you know im referring to you.
when i text u,
u dun reply me.
i feel reali upset.
u nolonger msg me first.
is this the end of the frenship?
just let me hear ur last word will u?
thinking of u make me feel more upset.
i noe u're happy now.
i realli noe.
even though ive grown up,
but...
i still need you.

2010-05-20T00:54:00.000-07:00

half a year has passed,
todae i looked back at every single messages u sent to me half a yr ago,
i look back at the pictures and all.
and i came to realise how much i have hated you.
how much pain u have once cause to me,
how much i love u but u hurt me.
thanks for everything to make me stronger in loving my boyfriend now.
luckily u have left,
luckily u are gone.
luckily u step out of my heart to let jeff into it.
luckily u hurt me sooo bad and allow jeff to heal the pain.
luckily u choose to hurt me and let me go.
luckily u woke me up for reality.
luckily i nolonger have u anymore.

i dun need u.
i realised how much i hated you right now.
i dun wish to think of you;
anymore.

2010-05-11T23:42:00.000-07:00

i read through many past entries of mine,as well as others.
i came to realise that time indeed pass very fast.
sometimes walking alone on the empty street,
we would always hope to bump into someone that we once knew,
yet are no longer friends.
we would occassionally think back of the past,
lookin back when we were so young back than,
indeed all of us had grown up.
now its only you or me,
there's no more us.
there's no more sisters.
allof us are jus buy with leading our own life.
and the past will always mark a memorable picture in our heart.

2010-05-06T08:46:00.000-07:00

its been so long...
things hAVE changed.
you see many ppl letting go of each other and all,
im afraid..
joanna yong,
whatever it is stay strong.
you can be strong.
hugs.

2010-05-03T04:29:00.000-07:00

thank you for always being patience with me,

and knowing wad situation i am in,

yet never failed to continue loving me.

thanks for not letting me go or giving up on me.

for you i will try,

because i know that i will be fine.

just stay by me,

dun ever give up on me okie?

i need you alot in my life.

thanks for being part of me.

baby,

thanks for loving me.

2010-04-28T21:08:00.000-07:00

when will i ever see you again?
this few days wasnt reali a great wk for me,
as ive been thinking reali alot and i wish someone would allow me to rant it out.
who would be willing to listen to me?
time has been passing by very fast,
but i wish it would be even faster,
as i hope i can get used to many changes in life,
and also to go back to the life tt i wish to go thru.

but thanks,
i met up with you,
and you never failed to still care for me.
you never failed to listen out to me.
maybe many things i tell u would have shocked u and all,
but thanks for being there.
no worries,
i have never thought of enterin ur life and destroy you again.
because i know without me,
you are happier.

2010-04-26T05:03:00.000-07:00

i need somewhere to run to,
a shoulder to cry on.
a person to hear me out.
the nightmare is haunting me once again.
i feel so stucked inside myself.
i needed someone.

2010-04-19T03:40:00.000-07:00

so whiny today~ ):

2010-03-26T01:32:00.000-07:00

crying is an obvious fact that it hurts.

i wished i could rant it all out here,

but whats the point?

ytd i went out with chris,kat,xt & baby.

and had a long chat with kat,

finally i get to know sth which ive all along been wondering why.

it hurt knowing that the truth is like this.

it may be who i am,

but to think of it,

im shocked why ive become like this too.

not only to my sisters,

even my closest fren,

and ppl who used to dote on me.

ppl who truely care for me end up being reali hurt by me.

everyone who use their sincerity to befriend me,

end up getting hurt by me.

they have no fault,

but im the one.

i mean it indeed hurt so bad knowing the truth,

that many things rummage thru my mind.

but whats the point when everything has been done?

im fine after crying,

and i still have to go on with life.

at least im glad that now there's someone lesser in my life,

someone lesser to destroy me,

someone lesser for me to care for.

im happy for being who i am now,

i wouldnt wan to do anything for any change.

why would i become like this?

laughs,

i supposed its all about the hatred i have in myself.

but anywae just to sae,

i am perfectly fine.

because i like it like this.

even best when practically everyone just go.

its no doubt why renee hates me.

its no doubt why yinjie left.

its no doubt why germaine left.

its no doubt why everyone from my past,

are no longer my present nor future anymore.

and now ive stepped out of my past,

leaving everyone behind and moving forward without bringing them along,

ive step into a new enviroment with new ppl in life,

BECAUSE from the very start,

i hated it when i was left behind,

AND NOW,

im happier because i no longer need anyone.

pass one year,

i have learnt.

learnt to be strong,

to be alone,

to be independent.

and now ive made it.

i have new colleagues,

new life.

everything in the past hurts so bad i have to give it all up.

funny,

but i simply cant pass thru my own barrier in my heart.

because everyone means alot to me,

but i choose to hurt all of them.

so its best tt u guys stay out of my life,

and hate me.

i have good and close frens,

but i choose to hurt them.

i have familys that love me,

but i choose to hate them.

i have a boyfriend tt's willing to hear me out,

but i choose to keep it to myself.

i have many ppl who truely care for me,

but i shut the door to allow them into my heart.

surprisingly,

i am like this.(:

i dun deny that im very affected by this.

i dun deny that im hurt.

but im just gonna let it remain this way,

because i am perfectly fine with it.

so anyone who read this,

I DUN NEED ANY SYMPATHY.

NEITHER DO I NEED ANY OF U TO WORRY.

im perfectly fine like this.

just do a favour by staying out of my life.(:

2010-03-14T21:56:00.000-07:00

i am so tired recently!
havent been sleeping well,
have been travelling alot in my dream,
laughs.
so broke so broke so broke..
and baby going for n check up very very very soon.
i wanna go sun tanning,
anybody free?(:
and ive decided to go back sch,
when sch resume..
nowadays i keep sleepin before baby,
because stupid ernest go download the online game,
than he is so addicted to it.
but when i have no work,
he got work.
and he lack of sleep,
is because of his own fault.

so long didnt update blog,
and im so bored right now...
and oh yes!!! my stomach every morning also pain=x.
and i lose 4kg like this for this one mth plus.
awww,
when will baby bring me go out again?
everydae work..
joanna yong is tired.=x

2010-03-01T10:18:00.000-08:00

im tired of all those stress and pain ive faced recently.
give me a break..

2010-03-01T09:34:00.000-08:00

this time ive seen the truth,
you are really gone from my life.
you no longer want us anymore.
i know whatever u sae,
u always mean it.
am i at fault?
or this is jus the fate between us?
from the start you wasnt here,
and even until now you are still not here for me.
i used to be able to feel ur presence around me,
but this time i guess its the end.
u no longer feel u anymore,
you dun wan me anymore.
you jus dun wan me anymore.
i ued to be ur preciou girl,
but because of this,
you left me.
and im slowly beginning to accept the fact,
that ive lost you.

2010-02-19T08:20:00.001-08:00

actually i have alot of things to rant,
but when it comes to sitting infront of the com,
im completely stoning.
i dunno wad to sae anymore.
i can sae that baby didnt reali make me v sad all this while,
perhaps its just his cant be bothered attitude tt make me think alot.

guess wad my frens?
I MISS MY CLUBBING LIFE!
I MISS MY OLD LIFE!
I WANNA BE AN NIGHT OWL AGAIN,
I WANNA DANCE THE NIGHT OUT,
I WANNA DRESS MYSELF UP AND HEAD TOWARDS CLUBS!
I MISSSSS CLUBBING !:(

2010-02-17T07:05:00.001-08:00

everything's changin and so is everyone..
awww i wan my life back=x

2010-02-15T01:24:00.000-08:00

guys find their own stuff to do,
than i supposed girls should do it too.
if they are going to ignore us,.
than we should also do it.
as long as they return back to us one day..
than it will be okay.

i miss my boyfriend.
sigh though when u are tired u sae hurtful things to me,
but i hope end of all u dun mean it.
iloveyou.

2010-02-11T08:13:00.000-08:00

its indeed sad when a part of you longs for the past to return,
its heartbreaking when you and i were no longer close with each other.
its painful when we talk on the phone,
its nth but just awkwardness and heartache.
its the end of this friendship i guess.
its only the numbers of years that still keep us hanging,
but we are no longer who we are.
we used to be realli close,
everyone has been asking about us.
but deep in our heart,
we do know that we wont be as close anymore.
you have ur own circles of frens,
and i have mine too.

right now,
whenever i see you,
i can only see you from a far distance.
i dun even dare to walk up and say hello.
what i exactly wrong today?
memories jut flash back.
and i am wondering what wrong have i done,
why and how did all my fren just go?
its only left with janelle & i.

have i been neglecting almost everything and everyone around me?
sometimes even until now,
i do wish i can be alone.
i mis hanging out with many people.
but time is running out,
and there no way we can ever return back to the past.

i jus wan u to noe tt i do miss u,
i do miss the old us.
right now you guys just go ahead without me,
and im no longer missed by you all.
sigh,
please tell me everything is getting better.
joanna yong,
let it go and move on yourself.

2010-02-08T08:08:00.000-08:00

today worked at polar,
i was somehow talking to my sister about my frens..
than my sister end up asked me back..
'you and germaine still frens mehs?'
suddenly i was like..
oh ya tts true.

joanna yong,
everybody's drifting apart right now.
rmb even if u have a boyfriend,
you are still yourself.(:

2010-02-06T07:06:00.001-08:00

sigh,
joanna yong feels upset.
everyone has realli changed.
even the closest fren of mine:(

2010-02-06T05:32:00.000-08:00

today is 060210. (:
happy happy anniversary dearest.
brought ernest over to queenway to buy his football shoe.
cost me a bomb!!
baby and ernest soo smart,
cheat me to taking cab.
end of all,
is still i pay huh.=x
than had lunch at there,
after which headed off to har par villa.
I FINALLY WENT TO SOMEWHERE IVE BEEN WANTING TO GO(:.
many photo uploaded in facebook,
but mostly the guys photo lahs.
thw two boys arent realli keen to hang out with me though,
because the sun is realli scorchin.
and they jus keep sweating,
but still...
wherever they go,
they til ended up playing game,games,games..
AND EVEN MORE GAMES.
so what i did was only hearing my ipod and nth else(:.
after which,
we took bus ,
and supposed to go sentosa,
end up this two guy cheat me and go katong to play LAN.
i sat there for 2hours plus,
but i did play L4D as well,
hahasXD.
i miss playing L4D with you guys.(:

after which,
headed to aston to eat our dinner.
gosh overall i spent a total of 180 today...
but as long as it makes ernest happy,
and the twog uys did enjoy themselves,
its worth it(:
well peeps,
i was tellin baby that after workin 9 mth in jP's,
i didnt take any off at all on a saturday,
except there was twice i took two days mc on sat.(:.

CHRIS;
i hope u will be strong.
and jus let past go and moved on okie?
although we are no longer close,
but im always still here for you(:.

this few days dwelling back alot on past memories.
misses alot of friends.
janelle,
you are right..
we have sooo many happy times together lei!!
but sadly,
everyone have their own life now.
and also everybody changes.
(whatever it is,i know YOU still care for me,
esp when im drunk.)

i wish everyday would be like this.hugs.

2010-02-04T01:30:00.000-08:00

everybody will get tired of facing their love ones one day?
is this true?
i dunno but right now ive not felt that way before.
somehow,
soooo boring.

2010-01-29T06:52:00.000-08:00

despite those small arguements we had everyday,
i hope your feeling for me will never fade away.
because ive tried my best to give it all to you,
and i hope u can feel it and sometimes give in to me too.
baby,
i have never thought of letting u go for any single moment .
after a long one year of break i have,
i had the courage to accept a new love and loved again.
you brought me out of my emo life,
and although many time u make me feel realli ____,
but ive never thought of letting u go.
thank for loving me.
thank for tolerating my attitude.
thank for trying way to prove to me that im loved.
thank for everything you have done.
you'll never ever let me go,
correct?
we used to sae,
we'll make it through.
we'll prove to others many things they thought its impossible.
you've been an idiot,
but i still love you(:.

many things has been happening,
many people have changed.
many of us used to dwell back,
but got over it.
many of us have hurt each other deeply before,
but we have overcome it.
life is long...
life is realli indeed long,
my dear friends.
whatever that happens,
let us all be strong.(:

2010-01-28T02:34:00.000-08:00

recently,
have been busy with working and working..
and nowaday baby has been working more than me.
ytd we had spring cleaning,
and it was sooo funny but we had a fun day together.
anywae,
next few week i have sooo many things going home.
almost everyday go out after work with colleagues,
either eat,prawnin,drink or sing song.
baby and i going broke le lahs.
broke broke broke ..
i misssss so many people.
sorry janelle tan!
i promised you i will mitt you verrryyyy soon.

valentine day and new year approaching already.
and i have it planned according.
i hope everything will go on smoothly.
realli realli excited for many things that's happening.

my blog is dead.
i dunno wad else to blog already.
i dunno how long nvr reali use com already.
hahas gonna bath and head to pwp already(:

2010-01-14T08:27:00.000-08:00

i love you alot baby,

please tell me where we are heading to next.

perhap nowadays im feeling alittle mixed up.

im tired.

tired of working.

causing me to have lack of sleep.

but i know is stillneed to go on..

awww.. what is exactly happenin?

i miss my baby=x.

today he's not by my side.:(

2010-01-03T21:07:00.000-08:00

belated merry christmas & happy new year to all readers.

this entire december period has been rather stressful and hectic,

because all i do daily is to work&work&work.

annd there's so many outlet events going on.

boyfriend and i have been tiring ourselves out,

but finally the whole month is over and we have a week break.

(but i wil stil be workin in polar midnight.)

im so thankful that god sent him into my life,

during work that day,

he surprised me by gangin up with everyone in outlet,

and at 9pm,

i rush to the ladies but gypsy went toilet to find me and pull me back,

than when i was there,

somebody sent my a bouquet of blue roses.

i mean i kinda expected it but was shocked becaue i didnt noe everyone would gang up with him,

and also he is soooo stupid he leak out some hint.

at 8pm,

i went toilet first.

i told him to look out for my station,

than he say by 9pm mus come back.

i was like HUH?!?!?

i go toilet one hour mehhs?

hahas than i purposely go toilet agn at 9pm.

than i wan emotion-less.

everybody was like u damn heartless etc...

awww.

finally a week of break,

i wanna mit up with so many of them.

its been a mth of boyfriend toleration my attitude,

thanks for nvr failing to loveme so much.(:

and right now im already soooo prepared,

yet he is stil sleepin like a pig.('oo')

somemore i had less than 8 hours of sleep,

and tonight workin at polar again=x.

new yr day work till 2am,

and reached home at 5am.

the following day i work 11am somemore!

walked from MSQ to chinatown,

halfway thru i was throwin tamtrum..

i was pissed off with dunno wad thing.

and was reali pekcek.

waited for three hours cab lahs,

and up colleagues's dad sent us home.

awww.

i have many things to update and have many photos to upload.

cheers to everyone.(:

2009-12-18T09:43:00.000-08:00

boyfriends soundly asleep right now,
and im feeling a little mixed up with my own feelings.
ive decided to quit jacks place after a long 8 mths of struggles.
i mean,
i was and i still am workin in there,
but somehow many things just cropped up,
and resulted in me being unhappy with the ppl im workin with.
temporary baby's workin at MSQ jackplace too.
and ive got alot of plans going on.
i mean,
everythin i jus wan and hope i can help him out smoothly.
whatever it takes,
i will do it.
today baby took his results.
it wasnt tt good at all.
but anywae,
tts over and what is important now is the future.

ive planned to quit jack place AND I GUESS my last day of work is on 31dec.
i couldnt stand workin there any longer,
and whatever it is,
i jus wish tt i will get out of that place as soon as possible.

all my friends have their own things to do,
and i cant deny tt i have been companyin my boyfriend for this past few weeks.
some how it seems like the whole world only revolves between the two of us.
and if YJ you were to read this,
i would jus like to ask..
why are u getting drunk every single day?
and how has life been for you?(:

because no matter how far this road of life has to be,
end of all we stil must continue to walked on.
and as long as u are always there to hold onto me when i fall,
it'll be than that i'll be contented enough.(:
baby i love you.

2009-12-16T00:02:00.001-08:00

just one question,
do you realli love me?

2009-12-15T23:54:00.000-08:00

a little bit of pain,
add to even more bits of pain.
and it resulted in a huge bit lies you said.

you'll be the first i will forgive,
because i dun wan us to end yet.
sigh,
it hurts so badly.

2009-12-13T21:29:00.000-08:00

a moment like this,
was spent with you.
because of you ive found true love.
at least u dun purposely make me jealous,
you dun purposely make me cry,
you didnt do anything like how our f**ker did to me.
i feel blessed when i come to think of u and me.
i dunc are what others say about us.
i jus noe that we should rove to others that we are stable.
baby i love u so much,
and thanks for being there for me when i needed someone.
thanks for everything u have done to me.
although this is jus the beginnin,
i believe that time will let our lvoe grow even more in the future.
thank you so much for loving me.
ive never regretted giving u this chance.
and i nvr loving u as well.

2009-12-09T09:36:00.000-08:00

because you're the only one,
who makes me feel like this towards you.
because you're the one,
i feel so happy with.
although this is only the beginning,
but i want this to last.
you make me long for even more from you.
i dun dare to get even closer to you.
because i scare you leave me.
todae i somehow feel afraid.
when u told me how you feel.
i dun like the feeling that im giving u right now.
baby i wan to company you when u are working,
i wan to lend u my shouler to lie on when u are tired.
i just wan you.

i hate the insecure feeling that i have in me.
everybody has been sayin that this is too fast for us.
but being with u,
it makes me feel that we have been together for very long already.
i wan time to faster faster pass..
so both of us can each the future together.
it may not be forever,
but i wish it can be..
for as long as we wan it to be.
jeffrey eng ching rong,
i reali love you.

2009-12-08T03:43:00.000-08:00

i am officially together with jeffrey eng ching rong.
perhaps it may be fate that brought us even closer,
although both of us have a part of us which stil holds onto something else,
but as long as both try our best to let go,
i believe we will last long.

as for andreas and chris part,
both of u have made me really really tired.
therefore i choose a relationship that is my new future instead of holding on to the past.
no matter how much i cannot let go,
i still have to.
andreas,
if u are reading this,
i wish to tell u that this time im over u.
i wish tt u would be happier.
and if u dunno how to cherish me before,
it means u will nvr noe how to.
there's so many things i wanna say,
but i will just dun care about it and ignore.
you are right,
i am not as childish already.
so you dun have to worry.

as for my greatest wish to chris :
you are still young and i wil stil dote on u like a younger brother.
i miss those times when u truely laugh out loud n happily.
so please,
just promise me u will continue doing so.

work has been rather stress nowadays,
i brought boyfriend over to parkway to mit janelle n zac ytd..
than i stay in airport with JAZMIN CHEN MEI SZE,
wait for him to end work in the morning.
after which immediately head down to work in MSQ.
even until now,
one day plus already,
i still havent sleep.
first time i sooo power.hahas.
waiting for him to come over to my hse now
and maybe going drinkin with mummy.

im so happy i met up with jaz ytd,
because finally after so long,
which is like two yrs plus...
we finally met up!!!(:
i will upload the photo very soon.
hahas but so nice of her to pei me lahs.
although we nvr mit each other for sooo long,
but there is actually so many thing we havent catch up with each other.
and we still tok alot of craps together.(:
hahas im glad we dun feel awkward but we chatted alot throughout the night.
and indeed there's sooo many changes between us.
hope to be closer again dearest!(:

2009-12-03T07:33:00.000-08:00

when u played piano for me,
my tears just fall.
because its beautiful.
the melody is sooo beautiful.
you told me that song reminds you of us.
its the song that brought us closer..
i missed you,
and those days we were out together.
hugs.

2009-12-02T07:24:00.000-08:00

im getting tired.
im getting used to it..
the days without you.

2009-11-29T06:48:00.000-08:00

nowadays im feeling unhappy.

maybe because im thinking too much,

and my pay havent even come in.

this few days im rather stoned too.

whatever tts happenin in my surrounding,

i dun reali care about it.

maybe i do care but i choose to close one eye.

time indeed pass so fast...

i have sooo many holidays awaiting for me..

but one thing for sure is,

christmas is around the corner.

ive been a good girl this yr round.

so i hope uncle santa will grant me a simple wish i asked for.

off to holiday veryyy sooon next week.

if my mum allow me to go,

otherwise i need wait till christmas day than can leave singapore.=x

anybody wanna ask me to get anything from vietnam,indonesia or malaysia?

text text me.(:

i wish you are happy,

wherever you are,

i jus wan u to be happy.

love is sooo selfish.

its either i gain sth or lose sth.

but i choose to lose sth to make u happy.

just be happy.

i hope you will still wait on me,

please dun ever give up on me.

because i still need you.

i may not tell you,

but i wished u could feel it.

so heartpain,

what i needed from you,

you no longer can give it to me..

i just dun feel it anymore.

sigh,

just your assurance please...

imissyou baby,

i dunno whether if you're still holding onto me..

maybe soon u will be gone from my sight,

whatever it is,

i am prepared.

just tell me wad you feel,

i will understands.

iloveyou.

if loving someone,

and wants them to be happy,

i have to give up,

i will.

2009-11-27T08:54:00.000-08:00

baby,
i love you(:.

i hate it when ppl disapprove with what im doing.
i hate it when somebody trys to break us up.
enough of everything,
all i want if for you to grant me happiness,
and give me ur fullest blessing.
please,
just let me go and give me a break.

BABY I MISS U!!
ALTHOUGH WE ARE ON THE FONE NOW,
but i still miss ur presence here with me.
remember what we keep telling each other?

i have a dream before.
i want to have a twins.
one girl and one boy.
we'll name it prince&princess saputra(:
than everyweek go to church.
than we will live happily ever after.(:

2009-11-24T16:41:00.000-08:00

baby maybe im jus hoping too much from you,
maybe all this is my wiseful thinking.
please tel me tt u love me too.
hugs.

2009-11-23T09:34:00.001-08:00

baby,
imissyou.
and i had lots of funnnnnn todae(:

2009-11-22T09:37:00.000-08:00

it seems like im slowly facing the fact that it hurts.
it is reali so painful,
till i dun even noe how to walk out of this.

i finally begin to understand what is going on between us,
and im beginning to feel that im losing grip of everything.
i thought it would be better if i controlled myself,
and stop myself from crying.
i thought after not crying ytd,
everything will slowly be fine.
but im wrong.
because this time i feel the pain again.
they say it takes time to heal the pain,
but right now my heart is breaking in to pieces.

so many things i wanna say,
but i jus cant voice out,
so just let tears replaced everything.

^RENEE CHOO FORGAVE ME,
FINALLY AFTER 1234567890YEARS&0987654321MTHS(:*

2009-11-21T08:16:00.000-08:00

u didnt contact me today,
and i miss u badly baby.
jus one ans from u,
is it reali goodbye?

baby,even till now,
im stil holding on.

2009-11-20T18:35:00.000-08:00

todae will be a better day.
ive finally decided to walk out of all the painful memories,
and start a new day,
start a new life without you.
this few days of pain is enough.
deep in my heart,
i will hold onto us.
till u ever rmb me again.

2009-11-20T09:40:00.001-08:00

the tears ive shed for u,
is so much more than anything else.
my heart aches.

2009-11-19T07:52:00.000-08:00

baby,
hold onto me,
hold onto us,
hold onto everything that's coming our way.

remember the message u used to sent to me?
saying that we are a perfect couple,
saying that its fate that brought us close.
how long do i have to wait?
i will still wait.
because im joanna yong.
one year?
two year?
i will still wait.
wait until u tell me that u dun love me anymore,
only than i will give up.
if i can wait for athari for one yr plus,
it means i can wait for u as well.
i know u cant give me my assurance,
but i jus want u to contact me.

this few days without you:
-im having mense cramp but nobody buy me medicine anymore.
-im craving for macdonald and nobody run to buy back for me.
-its cold and nobody to cover me with jacket.
-pantry&runner at the same time,yet nobody help me.
-you used to always cut watermelon&honeydew for me,
but this time i have to cut myself,
and i accidentally cut my hand.
-nobody to auntomatically refill my cup with warm water daily anymore
-nobody to listen to my complains.
-nobody to make coffee for me.
-nobody to feed me desert secretly.
-nobody to play with me.
-nobody for me to secretly pass love notes.
-nobody to mess my hair when i wiping cutleries.
-nobody to whisper behind my ear.
-nobody for me to wipe my hands on the shirt.

baby,
this few days without you at outlet is reali bad.
ive lost the source of my joy ever since u left.
i no longer smile as happier as i am,
i no longer talk as much as i used to.
everywhere i go,
each corner ive been to,
also havin a picture of u there.
Lihe keep on telling me.,
'joanna ,if andreas is here,
he will do this,do that for you...'
'if only andreas is here,..'
'i know u misses andreas...'

baby so now u noe how much i miss u?
faster come back,
because im waiting for u in singapore:(
my heart reali feel the pain.
i jus cant go on without u.:(

i will wait for u!

~~to chris:~~
i know i hurt u alot,
i dun care how much u said u love me,
because its too late.
the more i hate u to smack k,
the more u did it.
i dunno if u sae it without doing,
or jus wan to attract attention,
but whatever it is,
i hate it when u spike me with words.
because u noe u've done wrong,
and i will nvr chi hui tou cao.
you know im still waiting,
and i duno how long it wil be.
just let me go my dear.(:
you'll be happier.

2009-11-18T23:01:00.000-08:00

a choice for me to choose between both.
chris,
i know u love me alot.
but i still choose to wait on him.
i know waiting on him seems to be hopeless,
because eventually one day he will stil fade feeling.
but i dunno.
i seriously dun dare to think of the future.
my fears is reali in me this time.

i know both of u chatted on facebook about me,
both of u are hurt in some ways.
but imagine im in the middle,
how would u guys feel?
im sorry if ive hurt you alot,chris.

im feeling pain,
im feeling numb.
dun keep askin to sae goodbye.
because all i wan is u.
im afraid as time goes by,
u will forget me.
whatever i used to sae before,
u nvr give me a definite answer.
i dunno how long can i endure the pain.
but once u stop loving me,
i will stop holding on too.
as long as u say its over.

hold onto me,
hold onto us,
i nver wan to ever lose u.
baby,iloveyou.

EVEN IF U STOP LOVING ME,
I WILL STIL LOVE YOU.
DUN FORCE ME TO LET GO,
IF U NOE ITS IMPOSSIBLE.

2009-11-17T06:40:00.000-08:00

baby left.:(
saw him for barely 15minutes,
and he step into the gate already.:(
i keep tellin myself i need to be strong ,
and the moment he went in,
he seems to be so eager to leave..:(
thankful for having chris there by my side,
and my sis keep asking me to let him go in,
otherwise he will be even sadder.

right now sitting in front of the computer,
feeling so numb and uneasy.
imagine goin to work without his presence there,
every corner i turn to,
will have a 'picture' of him standing there.
why do time pass by so fast?
half a yr indeed passes by so fast.
too fast for him to leave me.

joanna yong,
you need to be strong,
andreas dun belong to here.
he still need to go back to where he belong.
so tell urself tt half a yr of precious memories is enough,
okay?

the time ive been waiting for has finally arrived.
the fears ive been afraid of,
came true.
my heart feel so pain.
its time to let go.
no more andreas saputra in my life anymore.
say goodbye to the precious moment.

this year christmas gonna spend alone at work.
he is actually the source of my joy at work.
but without him,
my life will seen to have sth amissed.

2009-11-14T06:59:00.000-08:00

everything has to go on,
no matter what happens.
and yes,
i still have to be strong.
ive been there done that.
so i supposed i should have understand what im goin thru in 2days time,
is a must.
ive gone thru the pain of losing 3closest bestie to me,
and it has already passed one year.
i should have been stronger by this time.
because i learnt how to let go and carry on in life.
although the feeling of nvr gettin him to be around jus sucks,
but i stil need to spread my wings and sore up high,
being independent n not dependin on him is wad i need to start learning now.
everyone has been sayin that time will heal the pain,
but what if im jus hanging there helplessly,
and hopin that u will still come around?

i started counting down from months ago,
than to sep9,
slowly slowly until oct 27,
and till ur birthday,
and well,
finally right now its only 2days left.
this yr indeed pass so fast.
half a yr jus gone by so fast.
maybe right now the sadness i feel in me,
is jus a minor pain.
but after u leave,
every corner i go,
will always have memories of u.
but im trying to tell myself not to let it affect me.
im trying to tell myself tt i should be feeling this way.
im trying to tell myself that i should be strong.
and this is the reason why,
tears have been held back.

every life has one true love snapshot,
the moment i saw u walking out of the door,
and those eye contact we had,
u capture my heart from the veri beginning,
and that very moment,
is freezed.
a scene that i will never forget.
the pain,
ive feeled it.
those lies,
ive heard of it.
those moments,i enjoyed it.
those goodbye u said,
im getting used to it.

even until now,
you leave me hanging on,
knowing that u never intended to catch my fall.

2009-11-13T11:45:00.000-08:00

actually havin u in my life,
realli makes a big difference.
and i truly mean it.
~~but its over,too serious too soon.~~

ive done the wrong thing,
over & over again.

2009-11-13T08:23:00.000-08:00

tml is the last day.
i keep on telling myself to be strong.
but who will truely understand the fear i have in my heart?

2009-11-11T20:29:00.000-08:00

time is coming...

2009-11-07T10:42:00.000-08:00

心里上的痛,
谁能了解?
who will ever understand the emptiness im feelin in my heart nowadays?
the nightmares come and haunt me in the middle of the night again.
i'll never get away with this.
i will never get away with this.
so,
leave me alone.
let me ease the pain myself.
the nightmares is here.
the nightmares is here.
the nightmares is here.

you are my hiding place,
time when i couldnt settle my heart down,
time when i cried myself to bed,
time when i hide my sorrow behind the smile,
its you who see through everything of me.
because i know you do love me.
guide my path,
heal my broken soul,
embrace me in ur arms.
take away all of my pain.

2009-11-07T09:50:00.000-08:00

i feel neglected.
why like that?
joanna yong think its best she dun let anyone come close her,
its best she stay alone.
so,
dune very try to step in.
because,
~~you neglected me.~~

you are right,
im not happy.

2009-11-06T13:38:00.000-08:00

edited-
not getting to see you,
not able to be dote by you,
somehow makes me feel alittle awkward,
its than when i realised,
i actually do miss you.

2009-11-06T09:49:00.000-08:00

i have many things i want to rant on my blog.

on the way home in the bus from work,

ive been thinking of millions of stuff that i want to say.

but as i sit in front of the computer,

my mind jus completely went blank.

what is rummaging thru my mind right now-.-.

nowadays joanna yong has been rather stone.

rather slow in many things.

i supposed its because yongyong got not enough sleep=x.

everyday just work work work.

i have less than 9hours of sleep in 72hours.

OMG-.-..

i feel that im tired physically and emotionally as well..

time is passing by soooo fast.

today is already 7november.

its exactly one month when i know chris.

and in exactly ten days time,

andreas will be leaving already.

dear diary,

you know i just keep telling myself to be strong.

joanna yong dun cry when he go.

joanna yong DUN CRY WHEN HE GO!

but before he go i already cry countless time.

joanna yong is too use to his presence for this half a yr.

we've been closer than anything we can be.:(

without him,

who will close coffee machine for me?

who will mop floor for me?

who will take up the punishment for me?

who will help me serve hotplate ?

who will put plaster for me when i burn my hand?

who will make coffee for me?

who will stand by water in my cup everyday?

who will serve desert for me?

who will help me clear table?

who will help me stock up sbc?

who will help me out when bar is jam?

who will wipe my tears away when i cry?

who will i whine to when im tired?

who will i complain to if im angry?

who will buy me food when im hungry?

who will lend me lighter when i do fire steak?

who will everytime purposely make me angry n smile again?

who will refill ice water for me?

sigh,

there are so many things more.

much much more.

from the very first day he go work,

i already know him.

so in some sense im much more closer to him than haryo.

and andreas did so many things,

much more things for me than haryo.

im so afraid as the days draw nearer,

he sae he would be back,

but even if he reali do,

it will be in two years time.

anton,dian,dodi&haryo used to say they will be back too,

but it has already passed a yr plus.

i havent get to see them yet.

i miss them so much.

i reali do...

they doted on me jus like a younger sister of theirs.

and i remember my world only rotates around them.

but end of all they stil leave me.

God is indeed unfair to me.

those people closest to me,

and already have a place in my heart,

all come from indonesia..

and end of all they still need to go back to where they belong.

so chris,

now u understand why i wanna cherish andreas for this few weeks?

im afraid when they go back,

i will regret for not spending time with them.

i dunno how long more than can i see them.

maybe for the rest of my life,

i wouldnt get to see them.

and pictures of them will slowly fade away from my memories,

till i cannot rmb how they look like:(

i told myself i need to be strong...

strong to let andreas leave me.

strong to be independent once again.

God,

please..let the time stop for now..please.

it has been 1yr 1mth im officially single.

and im starting to get used to my single lifestyle right now.

i may have fallen in and out of love,

but i dun have the courage to step into a new relationship again.

i start to think back of the past,

when i used to like athari..

i rather go back to those times,

at least i know clearly that i only love him,

and at tt time i was all alone,

i do things myself,

i stay at home alone,

i went out alone,

i eat alone,

i cry alone,

although everythin i do it myself,

but at least i dun have as much problem.

right now,

many people re-enter my life again,

and im startin to have so many stress n problem.

i cannot afford to do so.

i rather choose to be alone once again.

chris,

i said give us two weeks.

but this few days u make me reali tired.

with all those nasty ,painful words.

with all those fears u gave me,

with all those pain i let u suffer too...

one month ago,

i used to be looking forward to seeing u.

but right now,

im afraid.

im startin to feel some sort of fears in me.

which makes me feel that im lost.

im realli feeling so lost.

ive gotta admit this few days im not happy at all.

especially when days is passing by so fast.

what should i do?

here i am once again,

trying to run away from reality.

trying to hide away from all those problems tt ive gotta face .
somebody please help me.~

2009-11-02T02:44:00.001-08:00

somebody please tell me what's right and what's wrong,
why is my heart aching so much?
why am i feeling so upset and totally lost?
what is happening to me?!?!?!?!

i hate u for lying to me!
GOH CUI ZHEN I REALLY HATE U FOR LYING.
AND U STUPID LET ME FIND OUT AGAIN!!!!!.FUCKER.

2009-11-02T00:02:00.000-08:00

nowadays im feeling alittle sucky in my heart.
that day went to meet pig,
finally after 8months plus get to mit her.
than went down to yishun,
ton with gwen,sister,sky,chris,xiuting.
after that went home to sleep.
than go for work.
ytd after work,
went down tamp with chris to mit kat n alvin.
got some problem want to settle.
end up lei,
both of them also kinda injured.
sigh lets not say about it le bahs.
when i saw kat ytd,
i felt like tellin her..
'baby i miss xiuting so much.'
a period of time i was hearin songs and everything jus flash back.
i want xiuting back.
but after readin her blog now,
i understand tt she is feeling okay le and nolonger need me.
my heart aches the moment i read that.
someone i used to teng the most.
what is exactly happenin to me??
i wish i would be able to forgive her,
but everythin that used to happen to me just stop me from doing it.
because i trusted her so much,
yet she just destroy everything.
i personally noe tt it is a small matter,
but i couldnt bring myself to get over it.

i hate myself for being so stubborn.
i hate myself for not being able to open up my heart to anyone.
i hate myself for not allowing anyone to step in.
i hate myself for allowing the most impt person to leave me.
i hate myself for causing so many problems to everyone.
i hate myself for steppinn into others life.
i wish i could be alone.
i wish nobody will ever walk in.
i wish someone would understand how i feel.

you are right,
if that day you didnt make me cry,
than we wouldnt be like this already.
its because you make me cried.
causes me and xiuting to end up like this.
and u cause me to lose faith in you already.
what i used to trust in you,
now totally gone.
i wish i could tell u that i dun wan to make u hurt anymore,
we should nt go on like this.
im so tired.
tired of everything.
i had enough...

baby,
thanks for doting on me still after so many years.
and im glad alvin actually do care for me de.
wanna apologize for everything that has happen to us.
but still,
u mean so much to me even though we have drifted apart.
thanks for enterin my life.
and i nvr regret knowing you.

where is all the promises?

2009-10-28T10:26:00.000-07:00

joanna yong;

just a fool to believe in her.

everything was perfectly fine before her appearance in ur life.

right now,

you got hurt because of her.

thinking that she could bring u happiness,

end of all,

u're sitting in front of the computer,

feeling the pain piercing thru ur heart.

what exactly am i feeling now?

ive never expected that it would be her who brought all this pain to me.

you used to say you wont lie to me,

you used to say you are always here for me.

you used to say you will never let me go.

you used to say you wont keep toning outside.

you used to say you will never hurt me.

yet in the end,

we are like this now.

you may think that im over paranoid.

but i just hate this sucky feeling thats inside me right now.

i wished you would get away from my life,

i wished you will not let me see you again.

i dun wan to be treated as a fool by you anymore.

i dun wan you to lie to me anymore.

i tried to let u step into my heart,

but times after times you are doing more things to stop me from allowing you to.

this few weeks,

first time i feel sth so strong towards u.

but its not happiness,

its pain.

pain for being treated like a fool.

pain for all this empty promises u gave.

you know i dislike ppl who lie to me,

and u did it.

you managed to make me hate u.

thank you so much for all your bullshit.

please dun let me see you anymore.

goodbye.

my dearest ever once didi,

thank you for all those happy memories you've left in my heart.

i once doted on you sooo much,

and even till right now,

i still do.

but i guess this is the end of the two of us.

from now on,

you go ur ways and i go mine.

we have nothing to do with each other anymore.

you just hurt me so much.

and i cant believe that the person i once dote on,

the person i care for so much,

the person i always love,

the person who is close to me,

the person whom i cherished alot ,

the person who i always sided,

just hurt me like this.

you may think it is a small problem,

but end of all,

this is done,

and once again,

i will say goodbye to the two of us.

xiuting,

you once mean alot to me.

but i guess its time we both go our own ways.

dun ever let me hear any news about u getting caught for pg anymore.

dun ever do anything wrong will u?

im still worried for u,

but this has to stop.

i need to let u leave me from now on,

i choose to end all this.

dun ever go home so late or run away from home.

dun ever make anybody worried for u.

dun be naughty anymore.

from this moment on,

when joanna yong leave ur side,

please learn how to think already.

dun ever let me feel disappointed that the didi i once teached,

are jus someone who everybody think tt she cannot make it.

iloveu,

my once dearest didi.

goodbye.

i hope wishes do come true.

2009-10-27T11:59:00.000-07:00

i wish i was a little stronger than who i could be,right now.

a saying goes like this-

'"The saddest thing in life is loving someone who used to love you."

which i do agree somehow.

i knew one day it would come,

when you will just leave my life,

leave me.

and leave all the memories here for me.

its gonna be tough as the days draw nearer to say goodbye.

i told myself that ive gotta be strong.

because people do come and go in life.

you're just a passerby in my life,

someone who left footprints in my heart.

someone who makes me happy once.

someone who i will remember forever.

God is telling me,

that its time to part soon.

just a last picture of you&me,

and till we mit again in life.

i'll miss u ,

and i promise,

you'll be the special one in my heart.

no matter where i am,

no matter who im out with,

no matter what is happenin right now,

i just feel that i cant be happy.

because what we used to be,

are no longer the same anymore.

who we are,

are just memories that will always be vivid in our mind.

~~if only forgetting you was as easy as loving you.~~

because maybe somewhere down the road,

i'll forget to remember you.

2009-10-26T10:42:00.000-07:00

to you;
you failed because you said u love me,
yet all i feel from u is just a pack of lies.
i cannot bring myself to turn back lesbian because of u again.
dunno is it because u just remind me of renee or wad,
but every single thing you do,
yes i know u are trying realli hard to step into my heart.
but i just cant seems to open it up to you.
i told u before,
i will leave u for someone better when time comes.
yet u still so persistent,
which i dunno why must u be doing all this for me?
sometimes i feel irritated,
sometimes i feel touched,
sometimes i feel hurt.
because u're doin all this for someone who u will never get.

you say you wont chap paikia,
end up you got taiji.
you say you wont lie to me,
end up you confess tt stt is ur ex.
you sae you nvr bluff me,
end up u finally reveal the truth abt sth..
you sae u will go work,
but time after time u bomb them.
you sae u will not mention ur ex,
end up u even dare to put me n her on conference.
every single thing u do,
though it may not hurt me,
but its still sth tt is stuck in my head.

i mean from the start,
i just hurt u sooo much.
as the days pass by,
i hurt u even more..
and im slowly beginning to feel tt,
maybe by hurting u continuously,
and ignoring u..
you will slowly get to see the picture tt i dun wish to lead u on.
my dearest,
you get so jealous over every fren of mine whom u claim to be 'my flings',
perhaps those are ppl i've crush before,
but that doesnt mean that i still have feelings for them.
and by this,
it doesnt show tt u can retreat me this way too.

although it may be only going a month or so,
but i know that times when we two hang out together,
when u fetch me after work everytime,
when you send me to work,
when u take care of me when im having fever,
when u dun have enough sleep,
yet u company me go take passport,
when i go missing and u waited for me for hours outside,
when i throw tantrum at u,
and u uttered not a word.
when i use violent on u by throwin pillow,
you still stupid stupid sit there let me beat.
looking at those pictures we took,
realli realli,
there are some which makes me feel that we are very happy when we are out together.
ive once said,
only someone will make me cry so badly,
and u are there to make me happy.
you wont make me cry,
and i hope u will not.
but my dear,
just dun make urself in so much pain,
if its too painful, let it go and i'll be happy for u.(:

2009-10-22T11:40:00.000-07:00

im losing grip of everything.
everything seems to be falling apart in my life.
im trying to stay as strong as i wished i could be.
but everytime im alone,
all those memories just ponders .
telling myself that everything is just a foul play,
never getting right with it.

because everything is just meant to be,
you have to come and go in my life.
just so stucked right now.
i wish i was who i am before all this ever happen to me.

thanks to my dearest sweetheart for being there for me,
even though she doesnt noe what happens,
she's still there.
and thanks to my dearest ah cheun for spending the night drinking with me.
maybe u sense sth that's not right,
but im glad we somehow had a heart to heart talk.
i promise u i will be strong and not cry at all.

i wished i can put down all that's bothering me.
i wished the nightmare was gone.
i wished i could open up my self,
and just be as happy.
i wished all these pain has never happen to me .
i want to forget everything.
just let me be happy,
let me deserved the happiness i should have.

i wished u never entered my life before.
because right now its causing me tremendous pain.
how i wished when u're back,
i would be able to tell u how much i miss u.

joanna yong,
just be strong,
just be who you are infront of others.
life still goes on.
18 yrs of pain is enough,
time to get a life for yourself.
no matter how painful it is,
just let it go.
time will slowly heal all the pain.

sometimes acting too strong is pointless.
there have to be times when u would break down and cry.
i know ive been there,done that...
but God,
just give me a moment of time when i'll cry in ur presence,
linger and embrace in ur arms.
i know suffering are meant to make someone stronger.
but ,
time to pull me away and make me happy....
please.

you're the reason why this is happenin to my life,
you're the reason i close my heart to everyone.
you're the reason why my life become like this.
you're the reason why im sufferin right now.
you're the reason why im no longer as happy as how i used to be.
you're the reason why this nightmares stays.
but whatever it is,
i still love you.

2009-10-14T10:45:00.000-07:00

everything will be alright.
goodnight joanna yong.

telling myself.

2009-10-14T09:18:00.000-07:00

flings,flings,flings..
and im tired of all those insecure no status relationships.
so right now i guess its time i put it all aside.
anywae,
its the end of everything because ive screwed up all.
MRCHEESECAKE;
over.
MRCANDY;
between us its true but yet impossible.
im tired having to feel awkward everytime.
time will slowly let us see if we are fated to be realli closed again.
MRGOODBYE;
you are once the one,
but time drift us apart.
and you slowly being to feel it by my actions.
nothing left to say.
its over anywae.
time to be serious with wad im feeling and going thru.

NEXT STOP---journey to the west!(:

sigh.

2009-10-12T11:52:00.000-07:00

i told you many times this is goodbye to us,
yet you just keep on doin so many things which make me feel that u cannot let go of me.
and it hurts me even more to see u like this.
because i noe u are in extreme pain.
yet all i do is choose to say goodbye.
i wish you know,
i wanted you.
but i cant.
because we stil have to let go soon.

candylove,
you know that i do have feelings towards you.
why dun u just take the step forward to give it a last try?
how can i not love you?

2009-09-28T11:04:00.000-07:00

hello peeps!!
here to start of my post with my own pictures again.(of cuz!(= )
today post was actually meant to be a emo post where i wan to rant everything on blog,
but have decided to post something about my colleagues instead.(:

this girl is my DARLING~.
she's call eva wu li he.
she is the most pervert girl i ever known!!
she goes around pulling me on the floor from pantry to kitchen,
trying to unhook my bra.
but,im much much closer to her because we can communicate!(:

DID YOU SEE WHO IS STANDING NEXT TO ME??!!?!?!
MY EYE CANDY!!!-AH LOONG!!
WAHAHAHAS XD.
HE'S VERY VERY VERY CUTE RIGHT!?!?

(click on the pirture to enlarge)
small size &short.hahasXD
he got the 'derek foo' look,if u know he well.
finally he decided to take a picture with me(:
gypsy head block his neck,
otherwise the love bite i give,can be seen!!

first time i took a group photo with kitchen staff.hahasXD
but only ah kok not in this picture.

this is on my sister last day.

the third guy from the left is ah kok-my WU GUI!.

because he everytime ask me buy toto/4D for him,

than he treat me very nice.

otherwise keep sayin sayin sayin me.hahas.

i wan to go to his wedding on26dec!!!

in johor!!hehes.

this is one of the trainee from china-jackie(liu zhe).

he is soooo tall and the first photo show his half head cut off.

he always bully me also,

but i know he treat me like a meimei like that.hahas.

always make me angry end up apologize.

that day we went to powerhouse,

didnt get to take a full group photo.

but this is the only one i manage to take.

hahas yiling's drunk already,

than her husband(ah hao) at there keep disturb her also.

next clubbing with them will be in 2-3weeks time,

i guess(:

OH! and i went drinking with parkway peeps last wed,

but didnt get any photo taken.hahas.
FORGOTTEN~

this is andreas!!!

he is my baby!!hahasXD

everytime also bully me,

worse than jackie!

make me veryvery angry.

but,everybody in outlet knows that he love me lahs!hahas!!

he reminds me of my brothers..

without him,

in workplace SURE very boring.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST;

MY DEAREST QING AI DE AHCHEUN!!!(:

im sure everybody know who is he right?

MY BOYFRIEND(:.

hahas XD

imisshim,

IMISSHIM(:.

my boyfriend supposed to off on thurs,

end up changed to tml.

so tml we two going to dating~~.

wednesday im going out with eyecandy,AHLOONG.

hehes.but i think will be paisehx,

because of wad happen in powerhouse tt night=x.

I MAKE SURE AH LOONG TAKE PHOTO WITH ME THAT DAY~.

to 'A-S';

you say you want to end everything that we've been thru,

this is the end.

i know this time,

its really the end for us.

dont be softhearted,

because i ask you to go.

jus go ahead and be who u used to be.

loves.

back to topic again!

i get to know one guy from the restaurant next to JP.

that suki-ya guy is called 'ah lun'.

also kitchen cook.

that day i am smoking,

he came up to me..

talk to me than before walk away said sth(which i dun wanna say).

than slowly we two became fren.

F1 that day,

no customer at all..and i was sooo hungry!

i text him ask him company me go smoke,

than tell him im hungry!

so he actually cook me a bowl of ramen,

end up my colleague finish it all-.-.

i steal a mini brownie from outlet,

and give it to him.hahasXD

this week is kinda relaxing,

but starting from next week,

ive gotta be busy again.

so whoever wants to mit me,

i am free on thursday only.

book me arhs!(:

i would rather hurt myself,

than to ever see you cry for me;again.

CHEESECAKE!!!!!!!!!!

2009-09-24T12:53:00.000-07:00

CHEESECAKE!! (:

i love cheesecake.

i like my life now.

come to think of it,

every minute im spending it really wisely(:
i hope next week i can really enjoy myself~.

because i took off for the entire week ar.(:

so,i have plans going on.

monday- steamboat with colleagues.

tues-might be meeting janelle.

wed-checkups.

thurs-outing with ahcheun(:

fri-dad's bdae celebration.

i guess im packed,

or hopefully,i am.

goodnight tweeties.(:

so everything jsut end.

2009-09-22T11:38:00.000-07:00

should i just tell myself that-
'yeah,after this few months of tolerating,
ive finally pull myself thru.'
or should i start wonderin what actually gone wrong and why it has all turn out to be like this?
i miss those times ive shared with my friends.
be it with xiuting,kat & germ,
janelle,athari,shilah& zac,
or with fb peeps,
i just missed them.
but i guess everyone has their own life right now,
and im also busy with work.
although a part of me feels that somethin is missing out,
but im glad that things are still going on smoothly for me.
my cellphone no longer ring as many times as it should,
and i no longer have call from ppl asking me to hang out with them.

everyday im just facing people from workplace,
they did bring joy into my life,
but not as much as how my precious frens did.

i see that time indeed change human beings.
i dare to say im not as bad as last time anymore.
how many times do i emo in a month?
seldom already.
perhaps only when having moodswing durin pre-mense period.laughs.
and everybody around me has changed too.

anywae this three weeks im pack with lots of stuff which i dunno HOw i am able to handle.
argh...
soon soon soon,
i wanna go out with ahcheun again.
and hopefully tml after dinner with colleagues,
i have enough time to go down amk to find him for supper.(:
daphne yong&ah jian farewell on monday.
will be having steamboat,
and i was like OMG,
food again?!?!?!awww.
ah cheun asked me to go lahs!!!
wonderin if i should go clubbing tml.=x
i am currently broke now.
nextweek im going out with him again,hahas XD
IM WAITING FOR TANYINJIE TO COME BACKKKKK!!!
just gone for a few hours only and i suddenly miss her le sia.

my ideal lover

2009-09-17T02:04:00.000-07:00

ive finally confess to you,

that im in love with you.

you told me you are confused,

and asked to take things slow.

i wanted to try and work it out with you,

but i know u wouldnt like me to do so.

im confused about how you're feeling towards me right now.

its been months and ive finally told u so.

i dun expect anything from u,

i know that u're in a difficult position as well.

i know we are of different world and age gap is different.

but for u,

i wil try to be a little more mature and also more independent.

i will promsie never to make u worried for me.

i hope the outcome will be what i always hope it turn out to be.

im afraid,

because i know u are not the one.

but love is blind,

even if its only for awhile,

i stil wan to have a history behind us.

dun hurt me like how others have done so.

dun play with me like how others did.

dun destroy me like how ive been destroyed before.

the wae u take care of me makes me feel protected.

the wae you protect me makes me feel secured.

the way you hug me makes me feel like caressing in ur arms forever.

my nights out.

2009-09-16T23:55:00.000-07:00

i know its been so long since ive update my blog about what ive been doing.
but this time,
im gonna say and rant and complain..hahas XD

090909-
i went out with jess,lynette and LIMYUTING tt day!:) hahas
went to watch final destination.
than met up with ah cheun and went home around 1plus.
half way thru,
somebody came to find me and give me a rose ,
because that day was 090909.
but end up,
i choose to walk away.

140909-
i went out with ah cheun again.
this time we headed to town,
went to kinokuniya to read books for over an hour.
than we headed to buy some shirt..
went to eat ice cream.(:
after which go down to marina square and fetch daphne yong,

went to kbox afew times with ah cheun,
there's one day we went alone,
and stay there and sing for 5hours!!OMG,
i was so super cold.
he sang the song ,
'男人不该让女人流泪',
awww so sweet.
because he sang it FOR ME.(:

yesterday night;160909-

after work went down to POWER HOUSE,

with 11 other colleagues.

called around 6plus for reservation end up,

fully book.so no choice we have to do walk in.

end work at ten,

so waited for other to end work.

than end up ah jian came to find daphne.

yesterday goes lke this:

-ah jian came to wait for us.

-end work and i got changed.

-eva and yiling end work so they changed.

-ah mok also got changed.

-daphne got changed.

-ah mok,eva,yiling,me,ah jian n daphne head down to powerhouse first.

-reach there 11,luckily no crowd.

-went in decided to open bottle..

-we got a table at the corner.

-so we open TWO bottle.

-later on,ah hao and john came down.
-followed by ah long and ah pao come down.

-yiling got drunk already.

-midnight ah cheun come down,

-2hours later,we finish the 2bottle.

-so we open another bottle of chivas.total 3bottles.

-daphne n ah jian went home at 3am..

-than 4am we went back home.

-ah cheun send me home.(:

ah long,so sorry to give u a obvious love bite on your neck.=x
but its a realli fun night out with u.(:
so a total of 7guys and 4girls..
im the only one there who is single.hahasXD

andreas:
so i was like thinking that i knew things would changed.
i knew that things between us will be different right after ytd night.
im sorry for givin u cold shoulder.
i guess i need to sort out my own feelings and not lead u on anymore.
because i know it very well that i do like somebody now.
im feeling so confused right now.
i hope u can jus give me some time of my own.
sorry,
i promised u something that i didnt managed to stick to it.

next week to gothem penthouse again!(:

MengenalMu.

2009-09-11T10:13:00.000-07:00

i wished i have friends who truely care for me.
i wished i have people who realli understands me inside out.
i wished i have someone who i can talk to when im upset and troubled.
i wished i have somebody to share my problems.
i wished i can share my joy and sorrow with a friend.
i wished there can be a time when somebody would come up to me,
and just give me the strength to move on.

here i am once again,
wishing i can be able to find my strength once again

i miss my friends so much,
you guys know who you are.

every body has a moment of ups and down.
but i believe that after a heavy rain pour,
there will always be a rainbow after the storm.
so no matter what,
just be strong and dun ever fall apart.(:

have i got everything done wrongly?

2009-09-06T22:45:00.000-07:00

yes,you are right.
you've changed.

everyone has changed.
girl,i just read your blog.
im touched because you do think of me when u're upset.
maybe im in the wrong in the ast,
for saying that u only turn to me when u're bored or sad.
what a stupid thinking it is.
we've been friends for so long,
and im sure nobody can ever replace the special place i have in ur heart.
i still love you lahs,
and i still care for u,
just that i dun show out or even contact you.
i hope u read this and seriously know how much i miss u.
hope to mit up with u realli reali soon(:.

maybe the best way to keep myself busy is not to chiong work,

but the best way is to make myself happy.(:

even if i chiong work,

earn alot of money,

but end of all when i wan to go out and enjoy,

i couldnt find anyone.

joanna,

that's so silly.

manage urself well pls.

2009-09-03T20:54:00.000-07:00

jo says: she misses everyone.

retrospecting who i used to be.

2009-08-18T09:34:00.000-07:00

i sit down here right now,
and look back all those pictures filled with memories.
there are so many things i've gone through,
so many things which i let go,
so many things that used to happen.
so many things that will never return anymore.

everyone has changed.
times has passed so fast.
right now,
everyone has grown up.

and its so random of me to think back of who i used to be in the past.
i used to be so rebellious,
used to be so childish.
i dun admit being mature now.
but at least better than last time.
looking back at all those fun pictures once took,
its all memories now.
its all painful & enjoyable memories.

i miss the past alot.
sometimes i was hoping that it will never end at all.
sigh,
i miss the past.

my dearest brother.

2009-08-15T14:44:00.000-07:00

to my dearest brother:

we've been spending 13years of kinship together,

and we've been through alot of fights,tears,laughter,joy&sorrow.

i see you grow every single day,month&years.

and as time pass by,

you're slowly growing into a teenager,

more mature and sensible.

13years back,

you came into this world.

and soon after,

i've become a sister to someone younger.

i remember that i was so happy back then.

whenever aunties/uncles carry you,

i would follow behind them.

afraid that they will take you away.

when you were young,

i wished that u would never grow up at all.

i was the one who keep pestering mummy for a younger brother,

but im not the one who took care of you.

ever since u're born,

da-jie has always been the one taking care of u.

i may have fetch u from kindergarten before,

but always end up scolding you for makin me wait so long.

ever since daddy left,

back than u were only 6yrs old.

and that was the yr when i start becomin rebellious.

i didnt care much about you,

i rejected helping you.

i was nvr the one coaching u in ur studies,

and all the credit goes to da-jie.

i know u grow up with no father love & ever since u're born,

mummy started working and u're left home with only da-jie&ah ma.

i wasnt around and ah ma is the one who took care of u for 13 yrs.

wake u up for sch,

pack ur sch bag,

prepare ur breakfast&lunch,

cook for you,

give u pocket money.

even until now,

you nvr failed to come home straight after sch and accompany ahma.

even though u're out with frens,

u nvr failed to reach home by 6pm to bring ahma go downstairs eat.

sometimes when i wan to bring u out,

u will reject me bcuz u're worried ahma is lonely.

ernest,

i know you've been a great grandson.

when u have problems in studies,

u always solve it urself.

when u have problems in sch,

u keep to yourself.

when u're upset with ahma naggin u,

u dare nt tell mummy bcuz u're afraid she'll be worried.

no matter how much fights we have in the past,

u will still buy me whatever food i like when u saw it.

you will always surprise me with little gift.

and when i cried,

u will always ask me what happen n tell me not to cry.

i remember there was once,

when we quarrel reali badly,

and u used a knife to chase after me.

you said words that hurt me,

and was rude to me.

but i nv blame u for that before.

because im not a good sister in the past.

i neglected u when u're young,

and never truely love u in the past.

now that u finally turn 13yrs old..

ive seen u grown.

in some sense,

ive gotta admit that ur thinking is more mature than me.

you're a great brother to me,

and soon,

u'll be a grown up man and all this left will eventually become memories.

i wish u the best in ur studies and whatever u're going thru.

teenagers life are nvr easy to handle.

remember that u always have a second sister standin by u,

and i will always love u,

my little brother(:.

happy birthday ah boy,

and i will always give u the best.

i'll get u whatever u want,

and i'll always be workin hard to provide the best for u(:

once again.

2009-08-09T10:21:00.000-07:00

i miss you.

and you know i just miss you so much.

hearing songs that reminded me of you.

because missingyou is something ~~i have to keep in my heart~~.

我想要说,

如果没有你,

我要如和走下去?

因为我需要你给我力量.

很想说,

不要离开我.

ive been seeking for you.

2009-08-07T11:34:00.000-07:00

no matter how hard life is,
no matter how torturing and painful,
no matter how tired everything seems to be,
life still goes on.
and everything still have to carry on.

happiness is what we ownself seek for,
and it depends on how we handle our own situation.

no matter what,
i'll always be the strong girl.
i'll always pull myself thru y darkest moment.
i'll be fine after a heavy storm.
one day you'll see,
there's rainbow in my life.

just need to pull myself thru.
no matter how tiring it is,
i have to be strong to see a better future for myself.
everyone's moving on in their life.
just get going jo.

and always remember,
this is ur life.
nobody can always be there for you.
and you will always have ur family members by ur side.
rmb,
~~frens are just frens.~~

i wont give up,
and i wont break down.
i'll be strong even if all goes wrong.

no matter how long it takes,
as long as i believe in myself,
i'll find a way out.
(:

falling deeper.

2009-08-07T11:31:00.000-07:00

i told myself not to fall deeper.
but each time i try,
i failed.

just remind yourself,he's just not that into you.

awww.

2009-08-04T11:30:00.001-07:00

everything is going on so wrongly.

and im frustrated.

im angry with so many things.

so many things that is happening.

i dunno what is fucking wrong with me this few days.

i should get going .

i should not let myself get so angry with so little stuff.

too smile like this again?

well,indeed not for now.

dun ever think that i cannot live on without you,

because im long over you& i mean it.

of all those things u've done to me,

im getting over it and leadin life even better without you right now.

because without you,~~right now.~~

the problem...

2009-08-02T08:18:00.000-07:00

blogger indeed has alot of problems lahs.
idiot sometimes can upload picture sometimes cannot.im just not happy with the problem they give me.
fine..
im tired.off to bed.

sky.

2009-07-30T11:46:00.000-07:00

the sky is beautiful tonight.

hoping everything is going fine.

you'll go your way,

and i'll go mine.

give me a break.

2009-07-30T09:28:00.000-07:00

finally i get to upload photos(:.
well i have so many things to say.
and i shall start right now.

firstly,
katherine & xiuting-
both of u are having conflict and why xiuting u must drag me in?
i dun even noe wad is happening between u two.
if just because im kat's fren and tt causes you not wanting to be my didi anymore.
than i will respect ur decision.
i am realli shocked by ur tag in my tagboard.
if its because of this,
and break our friendship up,
than i realli have nth to sae.
when i message you,
you dun even want to reply me now.
i know you have already grown up.
and in ur life,
there's no longer any jo,kat or even germ anymore.
ive always been longing for us to enjoy ourselves like how we used to.
to hang out together again,
laugh together and be happy once more.
hoping that there'll be a day for me to sae about 'us' again.
but things always get worse between the both of you.
and for germaine she's just busy with her own stuff.
if there's a day when we can ever mit up again,
i will push away everyhing that im busy with jus to mit up.
i dunno wad exactly happen between us.
and no matter wad i sae,
there wouldnt be any chances of us being together anymore.
the four of us has split up.
i wont deny tt i have my own stuff to do and own frens to hang out with.
but i do miss us.
xiuting,im actually prepared to lose you as a didi,
its just a matter of time.
and yes,
the time has arrived.
you no longer need me as much as you do.
i dunno why are you going in,
but i wish to know what have you been doing.
you know you're the didi i dote on the most.
even though we dun contact,
u still stand a place in my heart.
but now i know that there's no more you anymore.
i wish u the best for all u do,
and i'll learn to leave on without you,
if u insisted things to end up this way.

met up with xiner on230709.
went to ktv,
followed by geylang to eat,
than headed to east coast.
than back to geylang again.
went home around4am in the morning.
was tired,
but had a fun night with her and her frens(:.
xiner,
i'll rmb wad u sae to me.
and i'll be strong because u want me to.
you have to be strong too,yeah?

monday i was out with ah cheun despite being sick & on mc.
met him at orchard and got lost there.hahasXD
after that went to eat,
and headed to far east.
it was raining.
and read the following conversation(translated)-
ahcheun:how?its raining.
jo:nvmx mahs.romantic(:.
ahcheun:you reali wan to be romantic ar?
jo:hahas!we got no umbrella,so walking under the rain is romantic mahs.
ahcheun:okie since you sae so...
(so he ran across the road.
and i followed him,but i was damn slow.)
jo:why you run you dunno how to tell me huh!
ahcheun:because u sae u wanted to be romantic,so i ran across and its a surprise ma.
jo:but its NOT romantic at all!
ahcheun:give you surprise means romantic lo!haiyo u dunno mehs?
jo:even if u wan to run,at least wait for me or pull me along lahs.now my slippers so wet.
ahcheun:above all,this is call romantic lahs.(:
alright,
know what?
i can never beat a guy in arguing.hahasXD.
walked around far east,
than decided to take a bus to bugis .
so went to bugis,
went into topmen,
and i choose clothes for him to try on.
i feel so mother-ly lahs.
he bought two top from there.
next,went down to vivo city bcuz he wanted to buy nike bag.
so went over and choose for very long...
once again,i feel so mother-ly.
he spent 100 over that night.=x
headed to ta-bao long john & eat ice cream,
went up to the balcony and sat there.
sat there for three hours,
took alot of pictures,
and talk alot about ourselves and the past.
after that,
played like two realli childish kids.
but,
that night i was realli realli happy.
and looking for our next next week outing again.(:
loves.

my brother~andreas saputra.
he's always BULLYING me during work!
but i know,
he still dote on me like a younger sister.
thank God for having him at work,
otherwise nobody will wash the coffee machine for me when i work pantry.
nobody will mop the floor for me when im rushing home.
nobody will scoop icecream for me when its too hard.
and nobody will eat my 'left over' food(:
just hoping he's not another hariyo,dian &anton.
those three im always deeply missing(:.

and tml is friday night!!!
might be out for supper with colleagues after work.
saturday there'll be fireworks again,
and i pray tt it wouldnt be too busy.
otherwise colleagues and i wouldnt be able to go kbox at night=x.

next week i'll be workin on mon,wed,fri,sat&sun.
only off on tues &thurs.
but tues im fully packed.
morning there'll be school.
after which,
i'll mit yinjie for shopping~.
and dinner at orchard sakura with gypsy,yiling& chef (:.
i'll be free only on thurs.
anybody care to asked me out?
book me in advance(:.

am i?

2009-07-29T07:40:00.000-07:00

am i just thinking too much about those things that has been happening?
why does it seems that the words are still lingerin in my mind?
ive seen it all,i know.
but,dun let it happen,
can we?

just a little bit of everything.

2009-07-29T07:23:00.000-07:00

a little bit of everything..
its time.
time for everything right now.(:

if everything is meant to be the same again,
it will eventually.
perhaps some would sae that efforts should be seen,
but i guess if both realli have the heart to,
they will.

time.

2009-07-27T12:30:00.000-07:00

when its time to let it go...
slowly as i put everythin behind and move forward,
i realised that im long over you,
and you've long become a part of my beautiful memories.

goodbye sweetest love of all.

idiot!

2009-07-26T11:51:00.000-07:00

i thought can upload pictures,
end up.... ARGHH!

what's happening?

2009-07-25T01:04:00.000-07:00

im back to blogging,
and yet this is what blogger did to me,
by having so many problems!=x

alright,
i know im missing for a few months,
and i didnt reali update about my self.
firstly,sorry because my internet was down,
secondly because i was too busy to even bring laptop to school.
now i realised how boring it is to go online,
suddenly dun have any things for me to surf at all...

anywae,
my birthday was alright..i spend it in pub with some fren and the following day,
i spent it at home sleeping.
it was boring,
but this yr dun reali have the mood to celebrate it too.
IM SICK!!!
doctor suspect me of having H1N1!!!
is he crazy?!?
alright,
although the there are ppl i oe who contracted with it,
and mostly more the 3quarter of my colleague fall sick n on mc now..
but,it cant be me lahs.
im so healty!hahasXD.

work has been realli hectic nowadays.
i guess i should stay home and keep my self healthy and ready for work again,
before the busy schedule in august.!=x.
awww life's just workin and studying now...
im too busy for anything.
too busy to even watch my drama.
and lack of sleep.
i have three days mc,
and i shld reali take this time to boost my energy,
rest well,
watch more show & ....
awww,i cant eat.
because no appetite for anything...

that's it for now,
blogger's relly makin me furious right now.
wordy post with any pictures...
shall not be too long winded.
goodbye!(:

when i became a part of your memories..

2009-06-24T02:32:00.000-07:00

no last goodbye,
no last words.
& i'll put you behind as my memories.
of all those goodbye we once said,
this would be the final one.
time to forget your face,
time to forget your smile,
time to forget you.